tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2273621419065170368.post1354992790044162753..comments2023-10-26T06:47:03.069-07:00Comments on The Catch of The Century: Becoming Your Parents - an ode to me?Dasanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14206303935122056105noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2273621419065170368.post-46209018115521667622011-07-06T09:14:40.421-07:002011-07-06T09:14:40.421-07:00Your flinging of insults tells me that something I...Your flinging of insults tells me that something I've said has hit you. I'd urge you to examine what it is that resonates or makes you feel resistant. Or perhaps you have no answer yet and it frustrates you.<br /><br />That's OK. Examine it, figure it out, and we can continue the discussion another time.Dasanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14206303935122056105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2273621419065170368.post-74095995201931274282011-07-05T17:06:10.214-07:002011-07-05T17:06:10.214-07:00The feeling of being "in love" is a temp...The feeling of being "in love" is a temporary chemical/hormonal process in the brain. That is why family building must be based on something solid and not fleeting "feelings".<br /><br />People who think family building must be dependent on a chemical rush have no business having kids ever and should get themselves medically sterilized and spend the rest of their lives knocking themselves out chasing "feelings".4 No Bell Truthsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2273621419065170368.post-40244683165083103242011-07-02T04:59:43.212-07:002011-07-02T04:59:43.212-07:00I do not think my mother is awesome by virtue of h...I do not think my mother is awesome by virtue of her being my mother. Family members can be great and they can be terrible, they do not acquire automatic value and worth because we're related.<br /><br />That says nothing of my opinion of her, which is not the subject of this blog, this post nor this discussion.<br /><br />Stable by what standard? Stable for whom? <br /><br />To be locked in a marriage devoid of love and joy for the "sake of your children" does not sound stable to me. To be with a woman who you love and desire to be with, and to have children with her (regardless of marriage or not) - children that you cherish and do all in your power to instill with right minds (by your standard) and right action - that sounds stable to me.<br /><br />Having a wife and children does not necessarily mean stable, it only appears stable.<br /><br />You miss the point of my arguments and this post entirely, read it again if you wish to continue this discussion.<br /><br />I watched a documentary called "Born into Brothels" about children of prostitutes in India. Some of the children were given the chance by the film maker to leave their families behind and go to school, and not follow in their parents' footsteps and become destitute burnt out prostitutes. The children either chose to emulate their parents and stay with that life, or were forbidden by their parents to choose another life of their own.<br /><br />Cultural differences or not, the point of the murderer and thief analogy is to illustrate that there are activities, occupations and qualities that are not enviable. <br /><br />You seem, from your convictions, to have come from a "stable" family. Do you think the prostitute mothers of those children do not also consider their house and home stable? Do you think they also want to be admired and emulated by their children? I wouldn't doubt the answer to be anything other than "yes" to both questions, and I must reiterate that I am grateful that my standards are my own, and not arbitrarily accepted from my parents (who disapprove of a number of my standards and choices).Dasanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14206303935122056105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2273621419065170368.post-82319048598359430202011-07-01T14:01:00.831-07:002011-07-01T14:01:00.831-07:00"I do not admire his choice insofar as gettin..."I do not admire his choice insofar as getting married to a woman who is "enough".<br /><br />Wow. So you don't think your father is lucky to have a woman as awesome as your mom?<br /><br />Or don't you think your mom is awesome?<br /><br />And your thief and murderer analogy shows what you think about stable families.<br /><br />You obviously don't see the value in stable families and appear not be appreciative that your parents gave you a safe, healthy and happy life.4 No Bell Truthsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2273621419065170368.post-89233891812869791622011-07-01T10:02:30.927-07:002011-07-01T10:02:30.927-07:00Would you look up to your parents if they were thi...Would you look up to your parents if they were thieves, or murderers? There are reasons to admire people, and there are reasons not to.<br /><br />I admire my dad's strength in becoming truly good at his choice of work. He's been honored for it many times, and I wish he would share more of that part of his life with me. I do not admire his choice insofar as getting married to a woman who is "enough". <br /><br /> Please don't make the mistake of seeing this one facet of my relationship with my parents as a view to the whole.<br /><br />I do not aspire to be like anyone just because I'm supposed to. Culture be damned, at the end of the day, you're an individual who is fully capable of making his own choices. <br /><br /> If you admire your parents, and they have things you desire for yourself, then wonderful - you're truly blessed with such close role models.Dasanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14206303935122056105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2273621419065170368.post-11297495661676867952011-06-29T13:24:00.922-07:002011-06-29T13:24:00.922-07:00It amazes that a child could not want to be like t...It amazes that a child could not want to be like their parents. In my culture we look up to and admire our parents and actually aspire to be LIKE THEM in our middle age.<br /><br />If your parents have managed to stay married and love each other, raise healthy and happy children, and support themselves and their family through honest means then that is indeed something to aspire for.<br /><br />Your parents have done nothing to warrent shame or pity.<br /><br />You should be proud of them and only wish to be as stable and content as they are at their age.<br /><br />I'm not saying to carve out your own niche or that you must get married or have kids. Even I may opt out of marriage, which in my culture is almost unheard of and definetly looked down upon, HOWEVER I just can't get on board with how Western people do not look up to their parents as good examples.4 No Bell Truthsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2273621419065170368.post-37284484846180011562011-06-28T17:19:47.859-07:002011-06-28T17:19:47.859-07:00"Being single doesn't mean alone or witho..."Being single doesn't mean alone or without love. I've been single since high school and I've been with a number of women (there's a post here with approximate stats, you seem to be reading them), and had at least one solid relationship each year."<br /><br />Yes but you've not been living for that long! You're not even 30. <br /><br />There's a change that comes with middle age, and then when you're old you really wish for some daily comfort and care.<br /><br />That requires LTR, if not marriage.<br /><br />But then some people like monks are happy being without either their entire lives. Of course there are monks and nuns from a wide variety of religions who leave that life too.4 No Bell Truthsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2273621419065170368.post-55056987592815012752011-06-27T08:50:55.383-07:002011-06-27T08:50:55.383-07:00@4 No Bell Truths
No, I'm not Desi - though I...@4 No Bell Truths<br /><br />No, I'm not Desi - though I tend to find ladies of that kind to be exceedingly attractive.<br /><br />What difference does it make that it's what everybody does? <br /><br />Everybody is wrong.<br /><br />The purpose of this post was my own movement AWAY from what everybody else does, my recognition of the evidence in my life that demonstrates I won't fall into the same traps<br /><br />Somebody who shares most, or even "enough" of my core values isn't enough for marriage. If there were even a shred of hope that such a person who shares every value of mine exists, it would be a great sin to get married to anybody but that person.<br /><br />However, I probably wouldn't marry that person. Why? Because they would understand, to the same degree that I do, how anachronistic marriage is. They wouldn't want marriage, they'd only want to be with me, as I would with them<br /><br />There isn't a single good reason to get married that isn't outweighed by ten better reasons not to.<br /><br />This is not a decision to "die alone" as most people tend to condemn it. Proximity or legal connection to another person is by no means a good measure of company, and being physically alone or without a relationship is no measure of loneliness.<br /><br />What my dad and mom did was put an artificial time stamp on their marriagability, and further, they made getting married a primary value that must be accomplished in any way, regardless of quality. I'm sure it was fine for a few years, but it's not worth what they do every day now. <br /><br />Being single doesn't mean alone or without love. I've been single since high school and I've been with a number of women (there's a post here with approximate stats, you seem to be reading them), and had at least one solid relationship each year.Dasanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14206303935122056105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2273621419065170368.post-31201006806700374112011-06-26T21:26:01.794-07:002011-06-26T21:26:01.794-07:00Hi Dasani, just wondering, are you Desi by any cha...Hi Dasani, just wondering, are you Desi by any chance?<br /><br />As far as, " I couldn't believe it. He had actually said 'enough.' My father, veteran of an over 30 year marriage, had just confessed to settling instead of striving for what he really wanted."<br /><br />This is what EVERYBODY does.<br /><br />Why? <br /><br />Because we all want an ideal and the ideal person does not exist.<br /><br />Someone who shares most of your core values is a rare find and when you find her or him, go for it!<br /><br />That's what your Dad did, what your Mom did, and its what you will do to, because its what everyone does.<br /><br />Unless you stay single your entire life, which is always an option, but most people don't want to.4 No Bell Truthsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2273621419065170368.post-63730449049461788262010-12-25T19:18:30.027-08:002010-12-25T19:18:30.027-08:00Excellent post.Excellent post.Dreamhttp://www.TheDreamLounge.netnoreply@blogger.com