Online Game Research

I was off to the library, and got it into my head to send out a random goofy message to a crowd of girls on OkCupid. Usually I send out one, maybe two messages at a time. Mistake. I'm pretty certain online game is largly a numbers game (although you can improve your average for sure), so sending out a message to a large number of girls is better than sending to one, waiting, then sending to another.

So, thus far, with my completely non extensive research (tonight)...

Procedure
1. Choose an opener - in this case, my opener was "You know what? You totally look like the kind of girl who likes to play the nice girl, but really she's trouble. I mean seriously, if we hung out, it would be awful! Walking through a mall you'd just scamper off and be like "hold up one second" and come back with a new hat or something, with a little grin, bragging about how you stole it! Seriously, how could you embarass me like that ;)" With the subject header being "i think that you're the type who likes "

2. Send messages rapid fire. I didn't want to deplete my resources in Portland by testing there, so I sent messages to places across the country. Go to Browse and set up your options. Go down the list and open 3-4 people at a time in new tabs, leaving the original tab for more browsing (this makes it faster to send out mass messages). Go through the tabs of girls you want to message, don't even look at profiles or pics beyond the thumbnail given to you. I definitely messaged some UGs, but the way I see it, girls online have absurd screening policies, even 2's and 3's will screen you out like a 10 in a club. So fuck it, I messaged them all in an effort to actually learn a repeatable system. (Sinn talked about having multiple streams of women in your life, so this is me tapping into online streams.) Message tons of people

Statistics As of Now

Total messages sent: 22
Total Unique Replies as of now (5 hours after sending): 7

Not effing bad. Almost all of them were nearly instant too.

Sidenote: Two of the seven replies were actually instant messages, one girl said "I'm kind of blown away at how well you read me..." and the other said "ok so you win first prize for weirdest message I've ever gotten" and I had conversations with both. The latter gave me her AIM name, the former says she is going to add me on facebook. The former was hotter.

So...

Hypothesis for Improvement: 1. Messaging girls while they are online produces good results and could potentially increase response rate.
2. Having a profile that doesn't suck could get girls who are initially interested, interested enough to actually reply (my profile currently sucks, hard).

I think I'll change up my opener after about 100 messages. Hopefully I'll keep this up for awhile and have documented statistics and such for posterity.

Sample Replies:
"I found it, honestly! (Never mind where.) Sometimes a girl just needs a new hat, you know?"

"Alas, no, actually, I'm not that kind of girl. The evil I work is considerably more subtle/awesome than that. :) "

"For the record, I quit thinking stealing things was cool back in high school. And I am a nice girl, until I'm given a reason not to be ;-)"

"Haha. Interesting. I'm not really a nice girl but I also don't steal."

Rebuilding the Habit

Friday I went out to McFaddens with some friends for my VIP night. Didn't really do any sets, and here is part of the reason (other than my rationalizations). So, things to remember...

1. If you go out with guys, they either better be cool about you doing cold approaches, be able to have fun in a bar/club, or be interested in approaching as well. The dudes I was with wouldn't get up and dance and just goof around, they wouldn't talk much, even drunk they weren't much fun. Who gets drunk and doesn't have fun?

2. If I'm bringing girls, make sure they are either socially independent enough for me to leave them alone or bring enough girls for them to have a group to stick with. I felt like I had to baby sit a couple of these girls and that wore on me. A lot of guys advocate bringing girls out to the club with you, and I would love to be able to sit down with 5-10 girls when my feet are tired or I'm not in set, but honestly, I don't know how to use girls in cold approach game. I suppose I should give myself permission to fail and just go in with her on my arm and run it how I normally would.

3. Go with people who are down to have fun. My friends wanted to leave at midnight. I wanted to bounce to another bar and keep it going.

The next night, last night, I went over to a buddy's house party. Good fun, brought FemmeFatale with me, and a couple of her hot friends showed up, nice. At one point, and I'm totally patting myself on the back for this being so hilarious to me, I lost FF and I asked her friend where she went, her friend was like "Why do you want to find her huh? What do you want to do with her?"

I sighed deeply, put my arm around her and pointed off into an imaginary distance at a picture I began to paint for her, "First" I said, "I'm going to get into my car with her, and the two of us are going to drive to california! Then we're going to sit out on a beach and watch the sun go down, while drinking expensive alcohols, and we'll head inside to YOUR house and go to sleep in YOUR BED, then the next morning, I'm going to have your mother make us breakfast."

Her response? "I love you!" I shit you not, lol. Then she turned to her other cute friend and told her, word for word, exactly what I had just said. Hilarious.

A friend's ex-girlfriend came up and started hitting on me, I moved her out of her group, into the house, and sat on the couch to talk. She was super into me, kept complimenting me, said "I hear you're a player" to which I replied, credit to Brittany the stripper, "You know, I do a lot of things that could get me labled that, but I don't identify with it at all." She and her boyfriend had a logical breakup, he is studying abroad so they decided, although they like eachother, to break up. And she says to me, testing "But you're his friend, so you wouldnt do that (hook up with her) to him would you?" which I interpretted as "Tell me that you're ok with us hooking up" but I decided that I really don't want to be that guy. His friendship is much more important than fooling around with his "ex." So I told her she was right.

I forgot, I did some daygame too. Went out looking for a CD so it was a good opportunity. Of course I was paralyzed by the approach because it had been so long, and ended up doing a demo of Rosetta Stone (I'm looking into buying it, its not like I just stopped to run a set). Well talking with the sales woman got me feeling more social, and on that momentum, I stopped an older cutey right as I was walking away and asked abuot where I could find more music stores. She kept walking at first, but as I started to talk, she stopped and turned around. Then on the way out I did one more small break the ice set.

My Size

This is so weird to me. Pictured here and expertly edited for confidentiality, is me and a young lady at a party. This picture is a physical representation of something I've only started to notice about myself.

The other day I was in one of my lit classes and the prof was passing back our essays. I was going to sit down just as she was placing mine on my desk, and I realized that I was a head taller than her! She's this little tiny (and kind of adorable) woman up there teaching the class, and I had no idea! In my head, I tend to make other people bigger than me, especially people of authority or people who I perceive to have high value. For instance this professor, my parents, hot girls, etc. And until recently I had no idea!

And what is the effect of a physically imposing person? They diminish you, they can cause fear, you can assign them greater worth because of their size, etc. And I've learned that it is the same with mental images. I picture myself, in my head, as a small dude, when in reality, I'm actually kind of an imposing figure in certain circles (mainly petite adorable females). What a limiting self perception!

Just look at the picture! I'm engulfing her in my arms and she's stuffed up against me, i'm so masculine and dominant and she's so feminine and cute!

Some people I am larger than in reality:
-My female lit profs
-My parents
-Nearly every girl in my social circle
-LittleOne (duh. And on that note, here is an exercise for me. When I'm with a girl, if there is a mirror, hold her from behind and have the two of us gaze on your image together in the mirror. See for yourself, as well as allow her to see, my dominant image and size.)

I'm not saying "tall guys and big guys rule!" I'm saying that it is a limiting perception to see myself as so small in my own mind and it affects me. I'm actually a big person!

Interesting points

Other night I was at a party, had this girl waaaay into me, she was giving me (I realize now) the kind of vibe that says "I'm ready for a caveman to lead me someplace semi private and fuck me" but I was in the midst of a game of beer pong and told myself not to get too antsy, she wasn't going anywhere. Turns out she was. To the best of my knowledge she ended up leaving with some stoner guy. Weak! But what I learned is that at every party with a good female to male ratio, there is AT LEAST one of these girls if not several, who after some solid attraction and minimal investment will be ready to pull out and hook up. So basically, get out there and find that girl (while working the room).

I ended up in one of the dorms at Doa's room. It was like 2 minutes before intervisitation time was up (guys not allowed in girls wings in dormitories...catholic university), so I ducked in, closed the door, and sat down. I had already walked past her room, the door was open, she was on the phone and got up to talk to me, and promised to finish her conversation by the time i came back to say hi.

We ended up talking for a bit over an hour, so at past 3 am I decided to head out. I'm not going to interpret beyond exactly what this was - two people having a conversation late at night. There were no explicit signs in either direction.

Earlier that day I talked to LittleOne about the trust thing. I told her I decided that it was important that she trust me, and she has to start, or we're finished. Of course she said "what do you expect, its just going to happen?" and I said "nope, but it better happen soon...like this weekend." It was a longer conversation than that, but if she won't start acting like she trusts me I can't handle being around her.

I feel as though I'm back at square one somewhat.

I went out to dinner with my parents, and we ended up seated at a table that was right next to this girl from my school, way hott, who I managed to creep out early on in the summer (pre-convention). She was out on an obvious date with this alpha guy who fucked the girl I was most into at my birthday party back in June (It was a blow to me because the girl was the hottest one at the party, and asked me for MY number. But it being my 21st I was pretty drunk and having so much fun I wasn't thinking about hooking up until the night was practically over and the party clearedup. She texted me, she was way excited to go out with me, but I somehow managed to mess it up. Found out later that she had fucked this dude I mentioned the night she asked for my number.)

Anyway, I saw her, literally 3 feet from me, and just pretended not to notice. I got up to go to the bathroom so that when I walked back I could see for sure, and that's when I saw the dude from my birthday. I was a little upset, but I got over it and decided to become as much of a student as I could without blatantly watching and listening. The girl was SOOOO into him it was absurd. She was laughing way too hard at everything he said, she was over-eagerly contributing to the conversation, it was just blatantly obvious that he was going to have her when they got home. And guess what PUA's, it was on a dinner date. Course they could already have been fucking, I have no idea, but it felt more like a first date from where I was. Anyway, the dude was calm and relaxed, he sounded almost bored and almost completely uninterested in what she had to say. I couldn't really hear what he was saying, but I can almost guarantee it wasn't anything very interesting. He's a real tall guy, very muscular with decent fashion sense, so he has a lot of natural advantages, but there must be something else to him.

The main thing I took though, was the girl's demeanor. The only girls I've ever had acting that weird and interested in me were unattractive and/or had forced me into a date with them. Even after dates where I've hooked up, it has never been so on that there was absolutely no anxiety. And I know what it feels like to see every sign clear as day and know, with absolute certainty, that it is going to happen.

Do the really good guys still deal with the question in their head of whether its really on or not while they're out on a date or bring a girl over? 'Cuz recently I've been having some frustrations with girls who show all the macro behaviors of being interested (coming over to visit me knowing that we were going to "watch a movie" after we had madeout a couple nights before, for isntance...Beej), but show no micro behaviors of being interested (touching, laughter, etc).

Basically it gave me a mark to shoot for. To get girls so into me that when we go out on a date, THEY feel insecure about whether I like them or not, and about if they might screw up.

Two Choices

You really only have two choices.

Either you man up and make things happen for yourself,

or you laze about, frustrated and angry.

Or as Dumbledore puts it,

"All of us have to make a choice between what is right, and what is easy."

Emotionally Sensitive Periods

Some people probably think this is common knowledge. Those people are probably wrong or just don't get what I want to talk about, even if it sounds kind of "derr."

Relationships, I believe, have emotionally sensitive periods. To put it in community terms, it's like a period of continual, very subtle shit testing. Actually any sort of continual shit testing.

At the beginning, girls shit test to see how much control they have over you. They may do this periodically, but if you're not a pussy or have a strong frame, you'll pass these easily. Emotionally sensitive periods are a little trickier.

You have to do something to drop into one of these periods, usually something big, but I'm not ruling out the possibility of it being something small, or a collection of small things.

For instance, in talking with LittleOne the other day, I was in an emotionally vulnerable mood. I had just bitched out TheActress for being effing nuts, I was taking in the gravity of how poorly I had held up my own standards for women and life, and then she drops this little comment about how, since I was confused about what she was talking about, I must have been lying when I told her what I did.

This struck a nerve in me.

Why would she immediately jump into thinking I was lying about something if she trusted me? So I asked. Turns out, she "isn't sure if she trusts me." I figured, fine, whatever. We're having sex and I like what we have, so if trust is going to change that, maybe she should just keep me at arms length.

Well I hung out with her tonight, and I realized I was subtly shit testing her the whole time. I usually do all the talking because she's semi quiet, so I shut up to see if she would talk. Nope. In driving back, and this was so girly of me I almost couldn't believe it, I mentioned how much I loved the band I was listening to in the car, and asked her if she would ever go see them in concert with me. She said maybe. I said, contingent on what. She said price and date. I said "25 dollars on a thursday night" she says "wait are they actually coming? or are you just asking hypothetically? don't do that!" All I wanted was for her to give me a legitimate response, something like "I would go if you wanted me to go" or "You know, it really isn't my style, if you absolutely begged me I would, but just for you" or "You kidding? you'd have to babysit me the whole time because i'd be moping, better you go alone than bring me" just something!

Our relationship, for those who are not as good at extrapolating, had entered into an emotionally sensitive period, wherein all of her actions were now on trial and had much greater significance than in a normal period. Were I not on the fence about her somewhat, I would not care about her responses, but since we are in this period, every wrong answer is a tally against her.

I brought her over to hang out with one of my buddies and me for a little bit. He and I joke around, I try to bring her in on the joke, she is unable. That's ok, he and I have greater rapport than she and I. Later I make a joke to her, and she says "isn't it sad that this takes up such a huge portion of your life?" or something like that. I tell her she doesnt have to be so serious all the time, she says "if you think i'm serious all the time, you clearly dont know me." guess I dont know her.

At her house she wouldn't let me, at least for long, just play with her limp arm while we watched the election. It's just something I like to do, its harmless. But I feel like she thinks I'm trying to demonstrate power over her, or tool her somehow, and thats not the case at all. I was actually really fucking annoyed that she kept pulling away. Maybe she doesnt like it, but guess what, I'm not the only person in the relationship that might try something new to help make the other person happy.

Girl needs to lighten up. I'm not into the silent and serious type.

Should have Shouldn't have

Halloween...Goodness gracious.

Try to make it brief. Met up with some guy friends, together we all drank a bit and headed downtown to this rock club. I ended up bringing Japan along, she was tons of fun. I opened about a thousand sets and took pictures in all of them, but I was too out of control to go further than to pop in, get a picture, and pop back out.

Came back, Japan had held my hand tight and interlocked fingers in the club, we had gone to about a thousand different locations together, I taught her about the horns of rock, on the walk back to her place I asked if she was a virgin, she said no. Whew. She also said she doesn't have a boyfriend and isn't here long enough for anything serious. At least thats what I think she meant. Anyway, took her to her dorm, hugged her and left. No idea why I didn't try to escalate except that I was drunk and didn't trust my own judgement.

Went home alone, decided fuck that, its Halloween. So I went back out looking for a random party. Things were turning off around then, but I managed to fall in with some friends and got to this kegger. One cute girl. We moved from there to another house, to my place, back to the original place (her house). Drinking games, karaoke, nothing going to happen. Returned about 5:30 am. I've never been out that late before in my life.

********
Last night I was just going to call it a night and watch a movie by myself. It felt right to do. I got a call from this girl, VCard. We talked a little, she was wondering if i was near her dorm, I said no, blah blah, we hang up. She texts and says she wants to come over. I say sure why not.

She comes over, she's a sweet girl and I love her as a person, especially with her roommate, they make a hilarious team, but I'm not attracted to her. Anyway, I was watching a movie, and finished it, but since she was over I put another one on. She asks if we're going to cuddle, I say sure.

We're cuddling, I wasn't going to do anything, but I, being weak at times, changed my mind.

"Take off your shirt, I'm practically naked so you're wearing too many clothes"

*removes shirt*

Her bra is actually really sexy, I can tell she put it on for me...We end up hooking up. This girl was wildly enthusiastic, but obviously inexperienced. Enough said. I wasn't going to have sex with her.

But this is what upsets me. I changed my mind.

What happened to the oldest standard on my list, I do NOT do virgins. Too much flak, not even worth it. The appeal of treading fresh powder doesn't even pique my interest, so what gives? I say to her "Do you want to have sex" She says "I'm not sure." I say "I'm getting a condom, tell me if you change your mind."

I tear off her panties, put on a condom, and procede to attempt. Not only is she too tight, but when I tried to finger her earlier I swear I felt her hymen. Of course I don't know what a hymen feels like, so I can only speculate that that was indeed what I felt. I try to put it in her and she almost screams for the pain of it. I stop. I don't even want to be here, what am I doing?

Then SHE apologizes to me. God.

If it isn't coming across in my writing, I'm a little disgusted with myself. We go to sleep, I don't even want her to spend the night but I don't say anything about it, figuring I just tried to take VCard's V-card, its the least I can do. We wake up at 7 am, I tell her I have to get some real sleep and she needs to leave, she appears fine with it and leaves.

I'm upset with myself for not holding to my own standards. I want to get back in the field, halloween was a taste and I miss it so much. No excuses anymore.