Pedestal

Last night I had an interesting experience.

I've been going back and forth, pretty much all year, between these two girls who I really like. I've been trying to decide which I like better, and which I have a chance with. I think they both like me, on some level or another, but one girl more than the other. We'll call them Dancey and Artsy. They are best friends.

Recently I've been thinking that Artsy is more into me, and I had been leaning more in her direction. She's beautiful, knows how to dress herself and become even moreso, has an artistic side which I admire, and experiences emotion without feeling the compulsion to analyze it, which is a quality I envy.

Last night I was at a party at Artsy's house, and there was a guy friend of mine, DG, also there. A couple weeks back, Artsy and DG had madeout at a party. DG is an awesome guy, and he's dangerously handsome, but there isn't a whole lot to him as a person. He's positive, but not very 'alpha' or manly. Just really good looking and on the soccer team. Anyway, I didn't expect he would be much competition, because when I showed up he was bordering on blacked out, sloppy drunk. The alcohol was gone, so I played it all sober.

Anyway, I get pulled onto the dance floor with a bunch of lovely females, and I see DG and Artsy dancing together in the about-to-makeout style of dance. I felt a twinge of jealousy, decided, fuck that, and kept dancing. I looked back and Artsy was literally humping DG's leg. It's actually kind of comical to think about because they were so drunk they had no idea how ridiculous it looked. It was as if she was trying to grind a hole in his right pant leg, all pretense at dancing abandoned, but both with very serious looks on their faces. I didn't want to get into a bad mood and just stare, so I left to "get some water" much to the chagrin of the girls I was dancing with.

I'm upstairs flirting with another girl, determined not to let the night be bad for me because Artsy wanted DG and not me. They come upstairs, holding hands with one finger, and join the room I'm in. They hang out a bit, and later on in the night I see DG laying on Artsy's bed (door was open, light on) with Artsy standing awkwardly as somebody talked to her, obviously waiting for the spare to get out of the room.

I was upset, but underneath that upset, I felt my attraction for Artsy fading. This made a couple of theories as to why pop into my head (sidenote, I saw DG walking home this morning when I was coming back from grabbing breakfast, he obviously spent the night). The first, which inspired the title of this post, was that subconsciously, I put women on pedestals because I want them to be worthy of being on that pedestal. I want them to fit the standard that I've set for them. The other theory, is that as a defense against feeling bad about losing this battle, I started losing attraction to keep from thinking of it as a bad loss, as if I had managed to lie to myself this whole year about being interested in Artsy after having seen her "true colors."

I think both theories have some merit, and the truth lies somewhere in the middle (or perhaps there's a third or fourth option I haven't considered). I did think it was gross that Artsy hooked up with DG. As good looking as DG is, and as nice and positive as he is (and as much as he's on the soccer team), he was sloppy fucking drunk. He would sway on the spot as we talked. If he had looked up at the ceiling, he would have fallen backward. I can't imagine he was saying much that was very interesting. (this says a lot about what I think it takes, or should take, to attract a girl). So Artsy's standard for who she wanted, to me, seemed abysmally low, and the fact that she took what was in my opinion a worse option than me, made me think that she was beneath me, not worthy of her pedestal, which dimmed my attraction for her.

There's also the whole variable that I've been considering Dancey and Artsy as girlfriend material. The kind of women I would break my 5-6 year streak of singleness for. That being the case, it makes a lot of sense that I wouldn't be as interested in Artsy. Yes I'd still bang her. But would I date her? No. So cramming that into the frame of the pedestal explanation, she was on a girlfriend material pedestal, and proved she wasn't worth it.

I suppose I'll be focusing more energy on Dancey from now on. Somehow, this both makes me glad, and excites me.