Sunday, September 28, 2008

Dancefloor game, putting together THE game


I really need to articulate some of my theories and observations on, well, everything.

Dance Game
Obviously, my school having such a low male population, this will change the dynamic and workings of the dancefloor. Having such a shortage of guys to dance with will make girls much more open to dancing. But this is what I've noticed, pretty much everywhere I've danced, it just had a ridiculous success rate last night. Having a good time and being the party is key. Every girl who danced with me had a blast and did something a little bit more unique than probably any other guy they danced with. Momentum was really easy to carry over from one girl to another. I'd momentarily drop the girl I was currently dancing with, and pull another one in. Even if they resisted slightly, I grabbed them in ways that they couldn't resist. I think I even picked up a few of them and moved them a few feet. Sometimes I would grab one girl and if she was resistant, I would grab the entire group and dance with all of them in one massive group. I once went straight for the guy in the group (somebody I knew in this case, but I didnt know any of the girls) and started dancing with him the way I would with a girl, spinning him around and such, having a good time, then I passed him off and grabbed the girl I wanted. Definitely something worth trying again, though I could see it being hard to pull off with a stranger.

Ultimately, meeting on the dancefloor is intensely impersonal, and only one in many will be attracted hard enough for me to basically run off with after dancing a few songs. I have to move the girl off the dancefloor if I want to escalate in any way. Moving off the dancefloor IS an escalation. But it's gotta happen. Even if only to get some water and spend 30 seconds talking, before getting back and dancing more. Gotta move em.

IOI's vs Dancing as fun or to be social (impersonal)
-Generally, clasping hands and interlocking fingers as we danced only happened with girls it was more on with.
-Eye contact- this is something I still haven't figured out. there was one girl who wouldn't look anywhere but in my eyes, it was obviously on with her so i can say that in that extreme, never looking away, they are definitely communicating interest. However there were girls who I had other potential IOIs with but who wouldn't look in my eyes, at least for very long, such as the younger sister in my last FR who would talk about how she didnt want to do things with me but would comply. She wouldn't look in my eyes. I think this could be a reflection of the amount of tension they feel, good or bad. If there is good tension, they wont break eye contact, if there is bad or no tension, they look around for more stimulation. IN this way you could easily have other IOIs, which would mean the girl is giving signs that she wants to feel more tension, a stronger emotion. It is my signal to say or do something to create that emotion. Ahhh I like this.
-Staying with me while their friends walk off. Obviously this is huge.
-Waiting around for a second dance once the first song ends, definitely an indicator that they're enjoying me.
-Conversatoin while dancing/asking me questions while dancing. I seriously have no concrete proof about what I'm going to hypothesize, but its good to get the idea out there and try it. This probably means they're looking to be moved some place to talk. I don't mean to get so nit picky and analytical about these little pieces and functions, but I think it's important in breaking this whole thing down.

Crushing
I can not figure this out. Maybe I'm just oblivious to it and it's just a stupid mental image of myself, but I don't know of any girls who have a crush on me, and more importantly (and damaging to me, this is a disempowering mindset related to my old belief that I am not attracted, I'm conscious of it now so it's time to change it) I don't see myself in my head as the kind of guy that girls go home and talk to their friends about, or spend any sort of time thinking about and falling in love with.

Honestly I just have to assume that girls are thinking about me. How could they not? I was easily the coolest guy that most of the girls I danced with last night met. So here is a plan of action, part of getting feedback on what worked and what didn't from a girl after we've gotten together or hooked up. This is always dicey stuff 'cause girls will literally change their answers, in my experience, depending on how much they like me. Ask some questions that are specificly tailored to elicit responses pertaining to girls talking about me when I'm not around, so here are some that might work..
"What did your friends think of me, before we went out/hung out/whatever"
"Were you surprised when I called"
"My friends would not stop asking me questions about what happened between us"
"What did you think was going to come of us meeting/exchanging numbers/etc"

Hopefully that will draw out some legitimate replies. I'll find out. LittleOne had told me that her friends had facebook stalked me, so that's something, course I didn't leave her time to grow a crush on me.

Random musings
I wrote these down when I was writing an essay for a class. English essays put me into an intensely analytical state where I notice the tiniest of things (you have to in order to close read or analyze prose or poetry).

When you're in the stage of "we might or might not like eachother" and the surest way to find out is to ask her out on a non murky date, a romantic date in essence, how can one circumvent the date dynamic and still pursue an option that would clarify where in the interaction you lie? The answer, which seems obvious now, is PERHAPS to invite her over to hang out "hey what are you doing, blh abah, hey im bored, come over and kick it with me for a bit, I can't figure out what movie to watch on demand all by myself" if she is cool with the idea, you can go from there. In the dorms this seemd like the only logical solution, invite her over and work the movie watching escalation routine. BUt a better man would work the dynamic in such a way that a mutual attraction/seduction takes place. To watch the movie forces a dynamic, there is no tension, no real drive. Though both people may desire it, the forcing of fates hand is anything but romantic. Mid movie you could go out to get some snacks, or say you're tired and you want to walk a bit and get some air, do SOMETHING to change the dynamic. This is solid. Keep pondering. the point here is this...I DON'T NEED AN EVENT AS AN EXCUSE TO SPEND TIME WITH A GIRL I LIKE.

each time i'm walking and notice i'm walking weird or think i am, it is because i am consciously focusing on and thinking about how i am walking and how it is perceived. I'm not using walking as an automatic motion, i am treating it as an image of myself, thereby causing me to interpret it as an image of myself through the eyes of other people. INverted focus. Weak shit.

I put too much responsibility into the hands of the girl. I've been walking around, waiting for her to give me the right IOI's before I'll give her any. I have to realize that sometimes my value is high enough that she is so worried that if she gives me IOI's that she will get rejected. She fears my rejection. So she is waiting for me to make the first commitment. As in giving a girl permission to speak, or when walking past eachother, am i going to stop and make the commitment to the convesation, or am i going to keep walking and wait for her to stop. In the former, sure I risk "rejection" but I'm also demonstrating where I want to go and going about making that happen, it doesn't matter if she keeps walking, all that means is where i wanted to go at that time was not the same as where she wanted to go. If the latter, it means I don't believe that I have the value to be talking to her, so I want her to validate that I do indeed have that value by stopping to talk to me, I want her to validate me as the prize, instead of already believing that I am the prize. Evene if she kept walking and I stopped, I could stop her. "Hey, stop for a minute and chat with me" its possible that shes so in her head and nervous around me that she wants to stop but isnt conscious enough to make that decision, or is just too afraid to



FR: Homecoming


Last night was the homecoming dance for my school. Did a couple of things differently. One, I had never been to a dance drunk before, so I decided to drink a little with my buddies before going out. Not drunk really, just a bit tipsy and limber. Two, I decided to dress in a way that I found sexy, not in a way that I thought other people would find sexy. I wore my brown square toe shoes, these tight as fuck AG jeans that I got like 9 months ago and had never worn because they're a little bit too long and need to be hemmed up, my brown studded belt, a white button up with a textured pattern on it buttoned halfway up with nothing underneath, a black tie tied loosely around my neck, and a little bit of goofyness to my hair. I felt sexy as fuck, kind of the badboy look when everybody else was going slacks and structured. The only things I would have changed, I would have liked a red tie, and my hair could have been a little bit better.

I don't own any hair product so I called one of the girls I know in the dorms and got her to find a girl who could do my hair with some of her stuff. I inadvertently met one of the hottest girls in the dorm. Great athletic figure without being overly thin, powerfully built, like a Hollywood female warrior. Huge boobs, brown hair, wearing little shorts and a tank top with the straps hanging loosely at her sides, the shirt hanging almost precariously off her ample breasts. I'll give her a name in the hopes that we meet again; Doa. Doa does up my hair, does kind of a lame job but I didn't want to be a douche about it. At one point she was drying my hair, and the cord was kinda short so I had to follow her directions for where and how to turn so she could get it all. I was looking into her face, talking a little, and she asks me to tilt my head down, basically putting me about 8 inches from the chest I've devoted half this paragraph to describing. Mmmm, see you at the dance.

Went off, drank with my buddies (had a girl compliment me on how sexy my pants were on my way off from Doa), and we headed out. I was bouncy as fuck, as I tend to be when I've been drinking. Got on the bus, headed to the dance, got there and immediately started tearing it up. Tonight was about me having fun, and I wanted to dance, so dance I did. I was grabbing girls left and right, front, above, whatever. I'd be dancing with one girl, shouting and laughing with goofy grin plastered to my face, and I'd notice people around us (particuarly girls, my school has an absurd female/male ratio, like 70/30) staring and smiling or giggling. I'd just walk into their group and grab the one I wanted around the waiste and pull her out, basically communicating that she didn't have an option. Did this numerous times, had so much fun. I grabbed one girl as she was going by and she was just so flustered she couldn't stop giggling. She asked my name, "well do you really want to know who I am, or would you prefer if I was just the annonamous man of the night." She giggles and wants to know who I am, I tell her, Millenium comes by and takes some pictures of us.

Some random little tidbits:

I was talking to Millenium and some asian girl walks past, I grab her around the midsection and pull her in "you...look like you know how to dance...Dance with me" "I do! Ok!" Her name is the same as a certain Pokemon, I laugh at this and tell her I'll never forget. I haven't yet, go me. She tells me I'm fun and we part

Sassyfrass comes up and goes into girly mode, we dance a little and I mouth to Millenium "This is sassyfrass!" since he'd never seen her before, only read the reports. SF pulls away a little and is like "blah blah its girl time to dance!" So I pulled her back in, spun her around and literally tossed her out of her own group and grabbed one of the other girls. I have no idea if this was a good idea, but I thought it was hilarious. That was the last I saw of her that night.

Saw LittleOne, gently moved people out of my way so I could get to her, danced with her for awhile, some dude was obviously into her and I was making him uncomfortable with my energetic vibe. I decided to leave her to him, I've already got her so I ran off to meet more ladies.

One of my old roommates, who is actually kind of an emotional douche and I've relegated to slightly better than an aquaintance, ends up walking with me and I say we're going to find some girls, some girls that can dance "like that one, and that one, and ohhh that one she's the best!" as I walk off, through the three set and grab the girl in a reddress and tell her "I choose you! From among your peers, you are the best!" Which made me laugh and her giggle and we danced. turned out I actually knew this girl, and she's really not very cute when not all decked out, but god damn can she ever clean up. I didn't even recognize her and she was easily the hottest out of the group she was in, all very cute girls. Crazy how some girls can transform like that, before my very eyes. My old roommate disappears, I fail to notice.

I see the girl from my "a long time cumming" fr and she looks all sad, I decide to cheer her up and swoop in. She refuses to be very cheerful and starts in with "your old roommate (obviously she used his name) is an ass." There aren't a lot of things that girls can do or say, short of farting a lot, smelling bad, and being crazy needy and insecure that totally turn me off to them. However, finding my old roommate attractive, especially to the point where his not giving her enough attention makes her feel unhappy, I find disgusting and completely wrecks any attraction I might have held for her. I say "And I'm out!" and walk off to meet girls who hold themselves to a higher standard.

Millenium tries to breakdance without telling me and kicks me in the face gently. I laugh hysterically.

I was well past sober by about halfway through my time at the dance, once I start having a good time its hard to stop me.

I see FemmeFatale a couple times, she loves how much fun I'm having and comes to tell me she's leaving and calls me a little later. I almost pulled her over to my house, she said yes, then called back saying she was uncomfortable coming over to my house because she's never been and none of my housemates know her. She doesn't want to be "that girl." I'm ok with this. She promises to call me soon, IM's me on facebook and tells me again that she's sorry shes not coming and she will call me.

I did a couple of approaches to girls sitting around looking bored, but none of them went anywhere. I didn't really want to talk to any of these girls I suppose.

It was kinda funny, I danced with the youger sister of a girl I'm kinda into, who also happens to have all her sister's best qualities, physically at least, and I would say something like "lets go where there's more room so I can start really tossing you around!" and she would say "Oh no! No lets not" as she would comply with my movement. Girls are so funny. She did the same thing later when she was sitting down with a friend "Oh no I don't want to dance!" then we dance. Then she says while we're dancing "I don't even know why I'm out dancing with you." She keeps trying to lead the dancing, I call her out and tell her shes a tom boy, she laughs and says she knows.

Ohh. This one absolute hotty, one of the hottest girls I've ever met in my opinion, PinUp, sees me moving through the crowd. She excitedly taps on my shoulder until I turn around and see her. She knows its time to dance. We run off into an open space and start tossing eachother around, me going through everyone of the 4 or 5 moves that I know, her laughing and loving the fact that I, with my modest skills, am a much better dancer than 90% of the guys there. She is such a great dance partner, I could actually pull off the movie style dip and fast pull back up to face to face. Soooo sexy, PinUp is such a bad girl. Her leapard print bra is sticking out just a little bit from her tight red dress. I was I had the presence of mind to start going sexual, but I was having too much fun with no outcome in mind. It's weird, with her I feel like I have no chance at all, even though she loves me. The feeling is akin to being good friends with my best friend's girlfriend. Even though there might be chemistry, I would never cross that line. I think she has a boyfriend, but she's never said this to me that I remember.

Saw her once more a little later and we sat together and then danced a little more. Saw another girl who is pretty sexy who is into me, we danced a bit and she told me I was too much, I agreed. I'll see all these girls again so I don't want to get needy or over eager, which has been my downfall in the past.

The public safety officers who came to talk to me about the noise complaint in my FR: The Police were there, they broke into huge smiles when they saw me. Haha, love that.

I think that's about it for the FR part of the evening.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Crossing the Threshold


Last night I felt like I finally crossed the threshold with LittleOne. Lol, finally, as if it's been so long.

I made it way more obvious than I usually do when I'm getting involved with a girl, that I don't do relationships and I'll be seeing other girls, but when I'm with her, I'm with her. Then I said this, and I realized the truth of it as I spoke, "Look LittleOne, bottom line, It's very important to me that you know exactly what kind of person I am before you get involved with me." I realized the way I used to get into my whole "I don't do relationships" spiel, by telling the story of my first girlfriend, and went back to the beginning and told that.

I crossed the threshold after that point. I think that for me, getting past that "obstacle" is about being honest and putting myself out there, regardless of whether or not this person will accept me.

Part of me is saying now, that the feeling of crossing the threshold comes because I have the girl's approval, despite her knowing that I'm not going to be involved with her exclusively. Another part of me says that the feeling comes from the peace of mind of knowing that, no matter what happens, I held myself to a high standard and maintained my integrity as an honest person. The only way to test this for sure is to get to this point with a number of girls, and have some of them reject me. If I still cross the threshold after I'm rejected, it is the latter. If I feel reserved/etc it is the former.

I want to get to the point where I've crossed the threshold with myself. In that way, I'll be expressing who I am, fully, without care of who will approve of me and who won't, everywhere I am. Not just crossing it with individual girls.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

FR: D2 and Fortunate Timing


Quick update before I get into it:

SassyFrass and I have been texting occasionally, I don't want to put it all down here. We had one thing where I texted her and got her to agree to make me dinner, unfortunately it was before I got that great advice from Nilatak. Looking back on it I was recalling stuff from our night out and was just too pushy and weird, even though she said sounds good and said we should kick it sometime.

The other night I texted her to see what her night looked like, called her a goober, she said she loves being called a goober and she had to study all night, I didn't text for awhile and later said she should call me sometime, she said sure. I texted her later asking why she likes to be called a goober, blah blah, sometime later that night shes like "ahh this studying will kill me" and we texted a little more.

The time when I asked her what her night was like, I was walking with a female friend of mine and this cutie, ImaginaryGirl, was like 20 feet behind us, I asked my friend if she'd eaten, she said she was just about to ask me, so I turned around to IG and said (we've known eachother awhile, I blew it with her once by missing the cues she was giving about wanting to nail me, but I think my "rejection" of her made her crazy attracted to me, like almost scared of me) "Hey, have you eaten?"
"no"
"do you drive?"
"yes"
"lets all go out to eat"
"ok!"
so the three of us went out and got some food, IG lives in my ex girlfriend's old house, kinda weird coincidence. Just a chill time vibing and getting to know eachother, I gave her my number at the end of the night and told her to call me if she's doing anything. No call yet but I'm not going to rush it.

Yesterday I was on a school field trip, I didn't really know anybody on the trip and was feeling awkward at first, but calmed down and made sorta friends with a cutie sitting near me. Couldn't even really talk to this girl for some reason, I was just in a weird state, I wanted something from her. She's the roommate of a girl I'm into and I was thinking "well if I make a good impression on her, it will help me with the roommate." Ssssssssspshhsh.

The last stop on the trip I ended up walking next to this tiny little girl (LittleOne) and was walking alone so I started talking with her, "have you ever been here before?" We started talking and I got the impression she was in the same sort of position as I was, didn't really know anybody, so we bonded quickly. I had her hike with me a hundred yards or so beyond where the rest of the group was stopped, to have her invest in me a little and to have more time to talk alone. Did a little takeaway when we got back to the group and went back to talk to the girl I mentioned earlier. She came walking by on her way back down the mountain and said I should give her some of my answers on our worksheet, I said I'd give em to her if she carried my stuff down in her backpack, as I unzipped it and she stopped and let me. Walked down with them, ended up walking with her back to the bus and flirting the whole way.

When the bus pulled into school, she was in front and I was in back, she stopped outside the bus and stood there on her phone, back turned to the bus. I came out and kicked her butt, and we flirted a little more, and I said..
"hey what are you doing later"
"I'm not sure, why"
"I don't have any plans for dinner, how about we grab a bite"
"that would be great!"
"alright cool, take out your phone...my number is ###...now call my phone so I have yours...ok cool, I'll give you a call a little later"

I patted her on the arm and walked off. Texted her a little later...

"Hey i have to do some laundry. how does 630 or 7 sound"

"Sounds good - where are we going?"

"It kinda depends. Im working out the transportation. Dont worry, im sure that theyll have a kids menu wherever we go :)"

"haha so nice :P you make it hard for a girl to figure out what to wear..."

"You mean i get to play dress up"

"That depends on what you pick..."

"hahaha. Smarty :)"
"I try :)"

After some time..

"Hey dress casual ill pick you up at 7. Text me your address"
"XXXX. See you soon"

Right after we had confirmed, who should call me, but SassyFrass. She was going to a party thing and was looking for a date (basically) and figured, her words, "why don't I call Dasani?" I told her I already had plans, she said it would just be a couple hours, I said I was doing laundry, she was like "well no, it's ok, you don't have to" and I said "well if you're not going to press me, I'm not going to stretch myself" and that was about the end of it. I feel like this fortunate timing will make me seem more unavailable, and despite having a legitimate reason to not go, SassyFrass might take it personally and feel like I'm more of a prize to be sought after. Don't know where I'll go from here with that.

My housemate said i could borrow her car, I just had to walk to the place where she was hanging out and get it. On the way there I was so nervous. I had hung out with some guy friends a few minutes prior for a little bit to help calm me, it didn't really. I was having trouble smiling even. I ran into one of my female friends on the way and we had a conversation for a few minutes, where it was sohard for me to express myself. I felt a little better after that, and when I got to where the car was, I had the opportunity to joke around with the girls who live there and my housemate. I felt waaaaaay better. Note to self, maybe flirt with some girls who you're not going after before going on a date or meeting up with a girl. It put me into a good social mood and got rid of a lot of my nerves.

Got to LittleOne's house, she invited me in and intro'd me to her housemate and her housemate's boyfriend. They were watching a kung fu movie and I was like "holy shit I love this stuff" so we sat down and watched, I had everybody laughing with my commentary and pretty much felt powerful. We left and headed out to grab some pizza. In the car I got a little more nervous. Like not fidgety nervous, but it was hard to smile. Weird. Got pizza, sat down and chatted for probably 40 minutes or so. She had her legs crossed under the table, so I slid my leg up deliberately making contact with her leg, she left it there. I knew it was on. Actually, I knew it was on before we even met up, something about this girl just said to me I'd do fine throughout.

But man, I said some stupid shit. I guess this girl was forgiving as fuck, or maybe she thought the stuff coming out of my mouth was like me being like "whatever you might not be good enough for me" I have no idea. But I said some stupid shit, bottom line.

We walked the pizza to the car and I said I wanted to walk around a bit before we went back. I think she thought I was ending the date when we walked back "thank you for dinner, etc etc"

I put out my hand for her to hold it and we interlocked fingers, It was chilly out but I wanted to kiss her somewhere before we went anywhere else. We walked around and talked a little about relationships and such, old boyfriends/girlfriends, apparently she recently ended a four year relationship...wow. At a dark corner I turned her to me and said "I know this isn't super romantic, but can I kiss you." She said yes. We madeout on the corner and then I walked her back to the car, pulled her in and kissed her again, and we came back here.

Put a movie in, didn't watch it. She wouldn't go very far with me and I didn't want to push for sex, there really was no reason. She just doesn't trust me yet, and that's ok. When we first kissed it was very invested kissing, really good stuff. Back at my place it was kiss kiss kiss, no prolongued action if that makes sense.

I took her home, she gave me the tour, ending in her bedroom. We fooled around a little more, talked some more, I said some more stupid shit (seriously, wtf was I doing.), but she still seems to be really into me. I headed home after a bit. We're texting now. We'll see where it goes, it's weird, I don't feel like I'll lose her, but I don't feel like I've crossed the threshold either.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Goals by May '09


Here is a list of the goals I'm going to accomplish by May of 2009.

1. Have a good, fruitful, and respectful social circle. That doesn't mean having people worship me, but I should be that guy who everybody loves to have around.

2. Have some connections downtown. Have some bouncer friends, maybe some bartenders or club owners, things like that.

3. 5+ numbers per week. This is a consistency thing. Maybe down the line I won't care to have so many numbers, but with 5+ people to practice phone game with, not to mention all the interactions leading up to the numbers, that mean's I'll be putting serious effort into getting better. Even if I was a master who couldn't fail to get a number ever (I know that's not possible) and stopped each day after getting one, that still means I'm socializing most days of the week.
4. Have pulled out of venue 10+ times. This does not just mean pulled home. It means a bounce to another venue, pulling home, etc.

5. 1-2 solid relationships. In my opinion, a person should partake at times in their life in an emotional relationship. Not a friendship, but like a girlfriend (though it doesn't have to be exclusive, but a legitimate emotional connection and a consistency). I've learned a ton by being involved in these, so it makes sense to have them on the list.

6. A consistent feeling of good nature/peace. I'm not talking about enlightenment here, and I don't mean being Mr. Positive all the time who cannot allow himself to experience something in the negative. Anger and frustration can be useful. It does mean being secure in myself, not walking around wondering what people think of me. Having my attention focused primarily outside myself. This ties into being a good teacher. A student can only understand a teacher when the teacher can understand himself. If I'm an emotional wreck, but have tight game, this will bleed into my life and affect my students (not necessarily of seduction, I am an aspiring school teacher). This is one of the most important items on the list, and also the hardest to define whether or not I've reached it.
7. Have gone out alone AND done well 10+ times. I don't want to become dependent on other people for practice, improvement, or even just enjoying myself. In joy in my self as Eckhart would say.
8. A solid day two ratio on the numbers I'm getting. I'd say 70%+ is a good ratio, meaning most of the numbers I get turn into solid dates.

9. Well defined sticking points. If I don't know where to go, how can I get there.

10. 15 new f closes, all who fit my new standard for who I will hook up with. If I lax and bang a girl who I don't really like because "it's a step above masturbation" it doesn't count toward this goal. This is about showing real sexual results for my effort. I'm not interested in going out a million nights in a row but never getting any return off it.

Naturalism and the Alpha Male

This is an excerpt from Frank Norris' Mcteague which, thus far (50 pages in) is absolutely badass. It's a naturalist novel about a giant of a man who is living in San Fransisco some time during the 1800's.

McTeague is the protagonist, Marcus is his friend and cousin to the girl speaking. Apparently dating your cousin was OK back then.

***
If he had confined himself to merely speaking, as did Marcus, to pleading with her, to wooing her at a distance, forestalling her wishes, showing her little attentions, sending her boxes of candy, she could have easily withstood him. But he had only to take her in his arms, to crush down her struggle with his enormous strength, to subdue her, conquer her by sheer brute force, and she gave up in an instant.

But why -- why had she done so? Why did she feel the desire, the necessity of being conquered by a superior strength? Why did it please her? Why had it suddenly thrilled her from head to foot witha quick, terrifying gust of passion, the like of which she had never known? Never at his best had Marcus made her feel like that, and yet she had always thought she cared for Cousin mark more than for any one else.

When McTeague had all at once caught her in his huge arms, something had leaped to life in her-- something that had hitherto lain dormant, something strong and overpowering...
***

Thinking about that passage in terms of everything pickup is about...very interesting.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

THIS is quality feedback

'm about to go to bed and my phone rings. It's a text from SF.

"Its SassyFrass. Dude..."

>>>> Notice the little investment on her part....like, "Yo, tsup"

"Dude. We hit it all tonight...except home alone! Ahhh"

>>>> Are you waiting for her to text? Ok, it's subtle but look into the subtleties bc you're not seeing them. First off, your message is longer than hers...nothing wrong with that in itself, but you bring up a thread from earlier which implies you've been thinking about the earlier interaction more than she has. So the dymanic shifts here, from her chasing by saying "It's Sassy" to you subcommunicating "Yeah, I was up waiting for you to text, I was thinking about our interaction and I'm eager to talk." See it? I know it seems analytical, but this shit is subtle. Even if you weren't waiting for her to text, you just jump at the chance to keep the night going...too eager...a better reply "Yo" or "Tsup" or "Zzzzzzz...."

we had talked earlier that night about how funny the movie home alone is and how we should watch it, making our AHHHH faces like kevin mccalister.

>>>> Yeah, living the past, caring too much about interactions with girls you bearly know....dude, seriously who is this girl? Your wifey? Come on man, I barely remember what I did with girls 10 minutes ago...I'm like, "huh?" ...usually girls have to tell me that funny story they told me before or some other routine they made up...why? Cause I don't care enough, the interaction is not important enough for me to sweat it...let go of the inteaction no matter how fun, don't need it.

"I dont kno wat that means. but she def either got drunk or just blatantly developed a crush on me" "Did u walk to my house?"

>>>> See, she doesn't remember any of it...ha ha..."But baby, we were talking about home alone all night, remember Kevin? The "Ahhhh" face? Baby you said you'd remember" ha ha funny shit man."


Lol the movie, home alone. Yeah i walked. You mean Lesbian?"

>>>> Yeah, you're the girl...reminding her? Why do you care? Come on man.

"Yea. And yes we shall watch home alone. Im bummed im all alone..."

>>>> Watch out here, this is a "bait" trap...it's the validation seeking...it's late, if she wanted to fuck you she would have arranged logistics to make it happen...I know you don't think so, but trust me, when a girl really wants the dong, she does alot of the work or at least gives major hints, prior to you going home...after that it's her wanting validation, not cock. I would have ignored it.

"Driving Lesbian home woke me up a bit, youre obviously still awake. lets hang out"

>>>> Ok, this would not have been bad, had you not doubted yourself with later texts...still though, more often than not you will get shut down, you are chasing.

"Im in pjs in bed"

>>>> This doesn't mean anything to a masculine man...she's just saying "If you are a man, you will get me, if not you will fuck it up" Notice she never says no. A great reply since you are going this way say, "Yeah, that's good, I got cookies and milk." It doesn't have to make sense...once you comit to it go for it.

"Youd probably pass out before i got there, goober"

>>>> Now you're doubting it...like you want her to say, "No I won't" but she won't do that cause she knows if she says anything you'll definetly take it as a hint to bone.

"Aw u called me a goober!"

"Youre a goober. It follows. Im posting something on your facebook that will make you die laughing"

>>>> You change the subject and look weaker for it...either commit to going over full force or don't chase...it's either full on masuline power or chilling and letting her do more work.


"Ok. Im fallin asleep. Nite sweetie"


>>>> She cut it off, decided you didn't have what it takes...dude, think about it, she texted you either for validation or to see if you would plow that shit...do either two things...commit to going over and saying nonse as you do or just respond less and let her chase, you have to be congruent.

Missed it again.

>>>> You can take this as you wish, but I've fucked this up numerous times....like I said you can either plow it, "I have the cookies...the cookies!!! NO!!! They will go stale!! I'm half way to your house!!! Seriously, I'm almost there, where do you live? No stale cookies, I need to stick this milk in the fridge!!" Ha ha or just say one thing or two and end it....like, "Yo" and then "cool"THIS

***
So with the bait trap, this girl and I (this is my interpretation of why this is such good advice) had been flirting all night, and I had her chasing me, gave her my number, but we didn't arrange to fuck (basically). She texted me and then dropped that little piece so that she could say "well we didnt end up fucking, but I want to see if I could have at LEAST gotten him" and then I fell right into her trap and doubted myself. I gave her that little bit of validation and that was all she wanted, sure if I was right there she might have fucked me, but I wasn't so the validation that she could get me if she wanted was good enough. ERG

As to the remembering everything from the conversation...touche. This is SOLID fucking advice, given by Nilatak

Sunday, September 14, 2008

updates and a minor irksomeness

Today I was in a blah state, a step below neutral, my housemate was driving me to work and she mentions this one guy who always bitches about his life. Cool guy, but won't do shit to help himself. I started going off on how I was pissed and disappointed that he wouldn't do anything to help himself except to add depression meds on top of his alcoholism, snorting pills, and purchasing the validation of "friends."

I didn't realize I was so angry. I couldn't think of anything to talk about, and then we bit on something negative, and I devoured it. This bothers me. I think it's a symptom of something else I'm going to talk about.

I was at work, and it was slow so I got some food and sat next to this young looking girl on a bench, opened with "I'm borrowing some of your bench" gave her permission to speak by speaking. She was real shy at first, so i just kept talking. I was just entertaining myself. She opens up, we have a real good conversation, she is 16. Yes, that is a no. She comes by and does a survey for me, i had asked her earlier for a piece of gum, she didnt have any. On her way out, she nudges my elbow and hands me a small pack of gum. Thank you. God what a sweetheart. She said "Maybe I'll see you around?" I had to leave it at sure. As much as my body doesn't care that she's 16, the law does, and even somewhat my conscience.

What is bothering me a little is this nagging feeling that as far as I've come, I'm only learning to become a "cool friend" instead of a regular "guy friend." This is a big step, it really is. To have hot friends, and be totally normal with them. This is something that I feel like I lacked growing up, the ability to just be chill. But at the same time, I haven't had sex or hooked up, with somebody who I'm actually interested in seeing again, in far too long. It's starting to nag at me, especially since I got ljbf'd by FemmeFatale. It was like "really? this doesn't make sense." I thought neediness was a thing of my past, and wicked insecurity. But it's all there still, to some degree. The positive end being it comes out less frequently, less powerfully, and I do have moments where I'm almost entirely free of its grip.

I was at a small gathering and some girl comes up and says "hey aren't you JORDAN!?" I half turn to her, cock my head, consider, and reply "Yes." To those who don't know my name, here is a hint. It isn't Jordan. She gets all excited "oh my god, I have your number but I forgot all about what you looked like and how we met" and I say "oh my god youdon't remember our connection? I can't even believe you!" and push her away gently. She comes flying back, puts her arm aroundmy waste and starts caressing my side. If she was attractive I would have taken her someplace and fucked her then. As it was, if nobody was around, I probably would have laxed my standards for an easy blowjob. As of this writing, she still thinks I'm Jordan. God bless you buddy, whoever you are.

I was walking one of my girl-friend's home tonight, i'm sure i've given her a clever name but it's escaping me. Anyway, we were passing a party and I heard a familiar voice. Oh shit, it's SassyFrass! I had called her in the day to try to get a ride from her to work (compliance, plus time to bond), but she doesn't own a car. Weak. Anyway, I stopped my friend, walked up with a purpose and said "I thought I heard a childlike voice"
"Dasani! Oh my god thank you for saving me last night!" referring to Lesbian wanting to literally eat her up.
"oh yeah totally"
my guy friend:"I want one too!!" (a hug)
"sure man"
SF:"hey wait, I do not have a childlike voice!"

That's about all I remember from that, I ducked out to finish walking my friend home (it can be a dangerous neighborhood. I confess sometimes I catch myself wishing I would be attacked so that I could see if I could hold my own in a fight. I also feel like I've got a lot of pent up anger inside me recently, see above) but I met another girl real quick who kissed both my cheeks like she was french, my response "Oh i'm french too..not really."

Decided on the way home not to go see SassyFrass. The friend she was talking to is one of my natural buddies, and I totally diminish him when I'm around (despite his having great game when he's on), but I decided not to chance going in there and getting insecure. I don't even know if she is going to hook up with him, and if she does, whatever. Girls hook up, fucking get used to it. They're not angels and neither are you.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Missed it! again!!!!


My buddy invited me out with him and his girlfriend, and their hottie friend (who looks nothing like that pictuere) who I've been into since the dawn of sophomore year. They prefunked, I decided not to really drink tonight. All headed out to MacFaddens, got in for free, bought one beer to break my 20 and give me bus money to get home.

Hit my groove when everybody was getting up to do something and the hottie, SassyFrass, says to me "you're on purse duty!" and tries to strand me, alone, at the table, holding her purse. Ehhh no. I tell her kindly, fuck that, I'll hold your purse but I'm not sitting here like a bitch, and I go and sit right down with two friendly guys. "but but, you're supposed to be guarding my purse!"
"I am. Get out of here..hey dude whats your name? Get out of here you're embarassing me in front of my new friends! Jeeze.." The girls who are with the guys, over at the bar getting drinks, turn around and laugh. I'm in with the dudes and they intro me to their girls. The tables have turned you little creature of the night.

Forgot to mention, SassyFrass just broke up with her boyfriend and was very bitter, looking to get fucked. Out on the prowl. I tell the guys I sat with this little tidbit while she's away getting another drink, and make SassyFrass sit down next to one of them when she gets back.

After this winning move, I felt better about the situation and my friends seemed to respect my social "skill." Noice. I told one of my funnier sex stories to my friend and his girlfriend to illustrate the point that when girls say they never would do something, it isn't always accurate. SassyFrass missed it and demands I tell it again. Later, remind me.

The night is fun, nothing major happens, but my friend and his girl are ducking out early, while SassyFrass' lesbian friend has shown up, and has a car. Logistics are working out a bit better, don't have to ride the bus. We bounce to a karaoke bar and hang out for awhile, the wait is too long to sing, so we bounce to a burger place and eat. I SassyFrass eats some of my burger and fries, I get verbal compliance from her saying she'll cook for me to make up for it, she throws down some qualifications that I obviously fit, and I tell her "whelp, I'm not smart." To which she assures me that I am. It was really funny to watch, the lesbian friend was checking out SassyFrass the whole time and pandering to all her qualifications and such, while I was busting on her gently and disqualifying myself. Though at one point I dropped exactly the right compliment, she said something abuot being insecure and I said something to the effect of "I wouldn't have seen it, you've got one of the most dominating personalities of anybody I know...Girls I mean, of any girls...it's like little league ;)" to which even the lesbian was like "oh my god that is so rare for a guy to acknowledge that, thats so amazing." SassyFrass is genuinely appreciative of this, she really earned it.

We're bouncing to another karaoke bar closer to home, in the ride SF says something about people thinking shes a slut, and how she doesnt care even if I think that, I tell her that the word slut doesn't exist, and there is nothing wrong with being comfortable with being sexual. Also that I only like the word as a term of endearment (cmere you little slut (= ) or when talking dirty. SF loves this, talks about how sometimes she wishes guys would just treat her like a dirty little naughty girl when she wants it. God, I want it. We sing Karaoke, Lesbian gets a bit drunk and just oggles SF, SF notices and gets a little uncomfortable. On the ride home (i'm the DD) SF says to me "OH by the way Dasani, I don't have your number...but i left my phone at home." I didn't want to ask for her number and put myself into the role of chasing her, especially when we go to the same school and I'll see her again. When we stop at her house, I pull out a pen and paper (thank you lesbian and your car) and give her my number. She leaves. I go drop off Lesbian and her car and walk home. I'm about to go to bed and my phone rings. It's a text from SF.

"Its SassyFrass. Dude..."

"Dude. We hit it all tonight...except home alone! Ahhh"

we had talked earlier that night about how funny the movie home alone is and how we should watch it, making our AHHHH faces like kevin mccalister.

"I dont kno wat that means. but she def either got drunk or just blatantly developed a crush on me" "Did u walk to my house?"

Lol the movie, home alone. Yeah i walked. You mean Lesbian?"

"Yea. And yes we shall watch home alone. Im bummed im all alone..."


"Driving Lesbian home woke me up a bit, youre obviously still awake. lets hang out"

"Im in pjs in bed"

"Youd probably pass out before i got there, goober"

"Aw u called me a goober!"

"Youre a goober. It follows. Im posting something on your facebook that will make you die laughing"

"Ok. Im fallin asleep. Nite sweetie"

ERRRRRGGG! I thought to myself, should I play a little hard to get? But then I thought, damn, the last time a girl was this ready to fuck I played hard to get and ruined shit. Fine, I'll throw it out there, something semi safe but still leading. Wasn't going to say "I'm gunna come over there and take you" though she might have liked that. And she turned down the offer. I tried to play it off a little like it wouldn't have worked out anyway, and my friend sent me this hilarious thing online at that moment, so I thought maybe if she looked at her facebook and laughed, it would wake her up and change her mind. No such luck.

I'm in the midst of a MasturFast. Use your english skills to figure out that one. Tonight will be rough on the challenge of sticking to it. Such a fucking cutie.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Musings


Just some updates and things I've been pondering.

The other night I got LJBF'd by FemmeFatale. Very weird. Without going into too much detail, we had had a conversation where we really connected, it was genuinely scary how much we had in common. I hadn't felt a connection like that with somebody for awhile, I was actually INTERESTED in hearing about her pain. We ended up meeting up the next night at like 12:30am to go on a "walk." She was giving me poor body language, or at least no indications that she was into me, although the conversation was good. On the way back she says "Can I say something without us getting all weird and awkward?" I say sure, knowing whats coming. "This is all just as friends right?" I responded "No, I was going to bend you over that bench back there and fuck you. But seriously, I think you're a good girl and I've been trying to get to know you better. I don't go on late night walks with just friends."

This should have been the end of it, but I accidentally intrigued her about my views on sexuality and men and women being friends and such, we ended up talking for another two hours, basically postgaming the whole interaction with her while intermixing musings and philosophy. Weirdest thing ever, I said "blah blah, you're not attracted to me so it's not like I'm going to cry about it, theres not much I can do" and she says "no but I am! And we connect really well and it's scary how much we have in common...but I can't connect with guys who I sleep with, and I want to connect with you." Uhh, what? I won't pretend I understand everything she says, she identifies with being impossible to understand so she has a vested self interest in keeping me in the dark about who she is, but thats the crux of it. Normally I would say this is bullshit, but I DID talk to her for like two hours about it, if I got the vibe she was just being nice it would have come out. Weird.

Giving her permission to speak
Just going out on a limb, but I bet there are a lot of girls out there who want to talk, even open you/me but are too shy. They want permission to speak to you, which is what opening can be sometimes. I was sitting next to my cute friend in class, and this girl next to her (during our 15 minute break) was going over her notes and looking bored. I knocked on the desk near her, she lit up, and I said "So what's your story?" it was kinda funny because she acknowledged my question, then turns to my friend and just rattles off this story about how she's living in her old dorm room (my friend had left a note on the mirror). She had all that pent up, but was too shy to say anything until I gave her permission to speak by talking to her.

On emotions
I had an interesting little epiphany a little while back. I used to equate being in a good mood with being social. So if I was in a good mood, but found myself unable to talk to people, I would beat myself up and try desperately to get into a "social good mood." I realized I need to just chill out. Social = good, but good is not necessarily equal to social. I can feel contempletive and at peace and yet not want to talk to anybody. This is fine.

Ways to make her work
I really should compile a massive list of things for this, because it's a concept that needs to be engrained in my head. Getting a massage, having her bring an item to a meet up, asking qualifying questions and her giving good answers (with Femme Fatale, she was trying to set me up as the party connector in her life, so I said "what do you do besides party. I like 3d people" She was a little pissed that I would insinuate that she wasn't 3d, but she qualified HARD). Getting her to drive/pick me up, having her print something for me, have her write me a letter , etc.

"In what way, at this moment, is she working for me?"

Not that she needs to clock in when we're hanging out or anything...or even when we're not hanging out...how can I make her work for me even when I'm not around? Get her thinking about me and providing for me without me being there? Ahhh there is a concept..If I for example, were to set up a dinner date for us, but had her do all the cooking and set up for MY arrival, I would be leading/pursuing but still setting myself up as the one being pursued. Holy shit. Ponder this.

Finishing the thought I started before I had that flash of potential insight, not that she always has to be working for me forever and ever, but at least until I've crossed the threshold, and still sometimes after, consistent with what we've set up as our relationship.

Another good question I should ask myself when resolving the chase/chased issue is...

"Am I respecting myself?"

If she is giving me non-commital answers over text or in person, and I still pursue a meetup or try to push (keyword) the interaction in some way or another, I'm being needy and not respecting myself by seeing the situation for what it is. I'm giving away my power, and that is disrespectful.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

FR: The Police


Last night we had a big party at my place. I had been planning on drinking, but as I started I just felt kind of...upset I suppose. I did what is my new comfort thing and went upstairs and read a few choice pages out of Eckhart. Still felt kinda shitty so I decided, "No feeling bad, tonight, I'm going to have a good time" went downstairs with a resolve to have fun, and I did. The power of decision is so incredible.

I had planned to invite every girl who might be into me and who I'm into to my party. Didn't work out exactly as planned. Party started "officially" at 9pm. By 10:30, both kegs were tapped, somewhere in the neighborhood of 60 people were milling around in and around my house, and campus police were at my door waiting for me. I was stoked. I went outside, fully ready to deal with the situation, because I knew it wasn't going to be a problem, and I knew I was the best, most qualified person to handle this situation (not to mention the only one living in the house who is 21). Talked to them, got it handled, they left...sort of. They came on a noise complaint, so I went in and told everybody to quiet down a little, and also that everybody under 21 needed to leave. It was kind of douchy, but at the same time it kicked ass being that guy who everybody was listening to. Most of them probably didn't even know I lived there, but I was THE authority.

Saw campus police waiting around the corner talking to the ACTUAL police, people started getting spooked. I walked over. Somebody tried to talk to me and I just silenced them and kept going. Off behind me, there is a deck full of hottie onlookers. From my perspective, I was just asking if there was a problem because I saw the real police, they said no, we talked a little, and they left. From the perspective of everybody watching, I walked over, talked, and then campus police left. It had looked like I had made them leave.

As I walked back I was approached by a number of people. An awed in the face girl I've got a crush on called to me, a number of others, and then one of my friends came up and said "Dude! Dasani! When did you become such a badass!?" It was awesome.

I finished kicking out the rest of the people (they would have filtered out anyway when they figured out the kegs were dry) and then went to another supposed party. False alarm. FemmeFatale was one of the girls I had invited, but she was a late comer and missed the whole party, we had been texting and calling eachother. Earlier in the day she had texted me, the whole time sounding like she wanted me to say something like "well how about we meet up" but I wasn't going to fall for that trap again. I decided, there is no reason to push for a meetup, I'm going to see her at the party anyway.

Well we ended up meeting and hanging out with some of my friends. I was so out of state by this point it was hard to function, but it ended up being pretty fun anyway. I had her walk me to the door out of the building, got a good hug this time, and left. She said something to the effect of "I'm really not a slut!" because of some of the conversations we had been having (she talked about how she doesnt do relationships...she and I should really talk more). So maybe all this wait and annoyance is her worrying she'll be too easy. Girls man.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Attempting To Resolve The Chase VS Chased Issue


To me this is one of the hardest concepts in pickup, and yet it's one of the most fundamental. I cannot yet resolve how to be the "prize" or "chased" or the "highest value" or whatever other names there are for it, and yet still get the girl in a timely and efficient way, that doesn't fully leave the whole ordeal in her hands.

This is the challenge I am setting forth today to help resolve within myself, and hopefully find a meaningful way to communicate it to other guys who are in my situation.

The Understood
Getting a girl to chase in the short term is not all that difficult. I have not mastered it by far, but it is the essence of attraction, qualification, and investment. Using my body to display disinterest by turning or looking away, doing takeaways, disqualifying her and myself, etc. In the moment, when the two of us are together, I have been in the situation, many many times, where I am the Prize to be won, where she is actively chasing me. However, if I can't close the deal or "cross the threshold" in my mind (where the switch in my head flips, and I fully believe that she is mine, usually happens for me after sex, sometimes after the first kiss, even other moments) during that portion of the interaction, I often times lose her to follow-up game because...

The Difficulties
Followup game is inherently chasing. I take her number, and now the ball is in my court, but I often find myself chasing too hard or even if I get a meetup, it is soft and not decisive. There are schools of thought (Nautilus and RightHandMan for example) that say "never, ever chase" which includes asking for numbers. You can give yours out, but you don't ever ask for theirs. This makes a lot of sense to me, and I can see it working for sure, I've actually had it work with girls that I wasn't super interested in or who I legitimately didn't have the time for. It operates off abundance.

Even when I'm with a girl, or I've crossed the threshold, often times I'm still the one who most often calls or texts. This is not where I want to be.

The Challenge
Ultimately, my challenge is this. To resolve in my head the conflict between being the prize, the pursued, the chased, and still being the one leading the relationship where I want it to go. To not place the responsibility for MY SUCCESS entirely on her shoulder or mine.

That isn't to say I'm opposed to her chasing me so hard that she asks my number, she gets us to meet up, and she makes it sexual or intimate (Nautilus and RHM style), however that is too far off to one end for me to deal with right now. It puts too much of the "responsibility" on her, and from my current mindset and life situation (perhaps I will change my mind when I am living in abundance), this is unacceptable. I don't want the ego boost of saying "oh she asked for my number but she didn't try hard enough to meet up, oh well, next girl." Theoretically I can see all that is wrong with not wanting that mindset in terms of pickup psychology and dogma. Of course I don't want to give one girl more value than others, and I don't want to be fearing losing her either, but at the same time, I don't want MY SUCCESS to be dependent entirely on her. Some girls just won't chase that hard, some girls have self esteem issues and even if they want to chase they won't because they think I'm too awesome for them and they fear my rejection. I want to be the man for these girls who aren't going to fall into the net of me never chasing, and I already know from massive experience that being the guy who is too available and always making things too easy doesn't work.

I want to be somewhere in the middle, even off to the being chased side a bit.