Sunday, September 28, 2008

Dancefloor game, putting together THE game

I really need to articulate some of my theories and observations on, well, everything.

Dance Game
Obviously, my school having such a low male population, this will change the dynamic and workings of the dancefloor. Having such a shortage of guys to dance with will make girls much more open to dancing. But this is what I've noticed, pretty much everywhere I've danced, it just had a ridiculous success rate last night. Having a good time and being the party is key. Every girl who danced with me had a blast and did something a little bit more unique than probably any other guy they danced with. Momentum was really easy to carry over from one girl to another. I'd momentarily drop the girl I was currently dancing with, and pull another one in. Even if they resisted slightly, I grabbed them in ways that they couldn't resist. I think I even picked up a few of them and moved them a few feet. Sometimes I would grab one girl and if she was resistant, I would grab the entire group and dance with all of them in one massive group. I once went straight for the guy in the group (somebody I knew in this case, but I didnt know any of the girls) and started dancing with him the way I would with a girl, spinning him around and such, having a good time, then I passed him off and grabbed the girl I wanted. Definitely something worth trying again, though I could see it being hard to pull off with a stranger.

Ultimately, meeting on the dancefloor is intensely impersonal, and only one in many will be attracted hard enough for me to basically run off with after dancing a few songs. I have to move the girl off the dancefloor if I want to escalate in any way. Moving off the dancefloor IS an escalation. But it's gotta happen. Even if only to get some water and spend 30 seconds talking, before getting back and dancing more. Gotta move em.

IOI's vs Dancing as fun or to be social (impersonal)
-Generally, clasping hands and interlocking fingers as we danced only happened with girls it was more on with.
-Eye contact- this is something I still haven't figured out. there was one girl who wouldn't look anywhere but in my eyes, it was obviously on with her so i can say that in that extreme, never looking away, they are definitely communicating interest. However there were girls who I had other potential IOIs with but who wouldn't look in my eyes, at least for very long, such as the younger sister in my last FR who would talk about how she didnt want to do things with me but would comply. She wouldn't look in my eyes. I think this could be a reflection of the amount of tension they feel, good or bad. If there is good tension, they wont break eye contact, if there is bad or no tension, they look around for more stimulation. IN this way you could easily have other IOIs, which would mean the girl is giving signs that she wants to feel more tension, a stronger emotion. It is my signal to say or do something to create that emotion. Ahhh I like this.
-Staying with me while their friends walk off. Obviously this is huge.
-Waiting around for a second dance once the first song ends, definitely an indicator that they're enjoying me.
-Conversatoin while dancing/asking me questions while dancing. I seriously have no concrete proof about what I'm going to hypothesize, but its good to get the idea out there and try it. This probably means they're looking to be moved some place to talk. I don't mean to get so nit picky and analytical about these little pieces and functions, but I think it's important in breaking this whole thing down.

I can not figure this out. Maybe I'm just oblivious to it and it's just a stupid mental image of myself, but I don't know of any girls who have a crush on me, and more importantly (and damaging to me, this is a disempowering mindset related to my old belief that I am not attracted, I'm conscious of it now so it's time to change it) I don't see myself in my head as the kind of guy that girls go home and talk to their friends about, or spend any sort of time thinking about and falling in love with.

Honestly I just have to assume that girls are thinking about me. How could they not? I was easily the coolest guy that most of the girls I danced with last night met. So here is a plan of action, part of getting feedback on what worked and what didn't from a girl after we've gotten together or hooked up. This is always dicey stuff 'cause girls will literally change their answers, in my experience, depending on how much they like me. Ask some questions that are specificly tailored to elicit responses pertaining to girls talking about me when I'm not around, so here are some that might work..
"What did your friends think of me, before we went out/hung out/whatever"
"Were you surprised when I called"
"My friends would not stop asking me questions about what happened between us"
"What did you think was going to come of us meeting/exchanging numbers/etc"

Hopefully that will draw out some legitimate replies. I'll find out. LittleOne had told me that her friends had facebook stalked me, so that's something, course I didn't leave her time to grow a crush on me.

Random musings
I wrote these down when I was writing an essay for a class. English essays put me into an intensely analytical state where I notice the tiniest of things (you have to in order to close read or analyze prose or poetry).

When you're in the stage of "we might or might not like eachother" and the surest way to find out is to ask her out on a non murky date, a romantic date in essence, how can one circumvent the date dynamic and still pursue an option that would clarify where in the interaction you lie? The answer, which seems obvious now, is PERHAPS to invite her over to hang out "hey what are you doing, blh abah, hey im bored, come over and kick it with me for a bit, I can't figure out what movie to watch on demand all by myself" if she is cool with the idea, you can go from there. In the dorms this seemd like the only logical solution, invite her over and work the movie watching escalation routine. BUt a better man would work the dynamic in such a way that a mutual attraction/seduction takes place. To watch the movie forces a dynamic, there is no tension, no real drive. Though both people may desire it, the forcing of fates hand is anything but romantic. Mid movie you could go out to get some snacks, or say you're tired and you want to walk a bit and get some air, do SOMETHING to change the dynamic. This is solid. Keep pondering. the point here is this...I DON'T NEED AN EVENT AS AN EXCUSE TO SPEND TIME WITH A GIRL I LIKE.

each time i'm walking and notice i'm walking weird or think i am, it is because i am consciously focusing on and thinking about how i am walking and how it is perceived. I'm not using walking as an automatic motion, i am treating it as an image of myself, thereby causing me to interpret it as an image of myself through the eyes of other people. INverted focus. Weak shit.

I put too much responsibility into the hands of the girl. I've been walking around, waiting for her to give me the right IOI's before I'll give her any. I have to realize that sometimes my value is high enough that she is so worried that if she gives me IOI's that she will get rejected. She fears my rejection. So she is waiting for me to make the first commitment. As in giving a girl permission to speak, or when walking past eachother, am i going to stop and make the commitment to the convesation, or am i going to keep walking and wait for her to stop. In the former, sure I risk "rejection" but I'm also demonstrating where I want to go and going about making that happen, it doesn't matter if she keeps walking, all that means is where i wanted to go at that time was not the same as where she wanted to go. If the latter, it means I don't believe that I have the value to be talking to her, so I want her to validate that I do indeed have that value by stopping to talk to me, I want her to validate me as the prize, instead of already believing that I am the prize. Evene if she kept walking and I stopped, I could stop her. "Hey, stop for a minute and chat with me" its possible that shes so in her head and nervous around me that she wants to stop but isnt conscious enough to make that decision, or is just too afraid to

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