Sunday, December 5, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Back in September, I was laying on my bed reading when a sudden idea came to me. What would my life be like if I wasn't always trying to get laid? I was shocked to discover that this notion was revelatory and I had never once considered it before. It filled me with a sense of excitement like at the prospect of a serious but surmountable challenge, and strangely, a sense of an almost erotic calm.
I slept on it, and then decided to enter into what I have been referring to as "The Experiment."
I wrote myself a list of rules. No chasing women, in any sense of the word, no sex, no kissing, no spanking girls as they walk by, no sexual contact of any sort. I defined all of these rigidly and left no loopholes for what I knew later would be my rationalizing mind getting a hold of The Experiment and inventing ways to get out without failing. I was also to keep The Experiment entirely to myself. I wasn't doing this for attention or for other people in any way, so they need not know.
I wrote a series of things I would have to do in order to demonstrate my commitment to the Experiment. Among them: deleting girls I had been aching for from facebook and myspace, removing all female contacts from my cell with whom I had any sexual interest or could ever see myself having interest in, and deleting my long cherished folder of naked pictures and video of various girls I've been with.
Clearly, I was serious.
The night before I began, I was having a conversation with the girl in this post and she said to me, after hearing all I had to say on whatever it was we were chatting about, "Maybe you should just take a break from women." I almost cried hearing it. I felt visible in a way that I've rarely experienced. That night we slept together.
The following day I signed my contract. The Experiment was to take shape over three phases and I was supposed to keep a journal each week, chronicling my progress. The first phase was the total celibacy described above, which would last from September to Thanksgiving. The second phase was to forbid myself to chase, but to allow hookups - no sex. If a woman made it clear she wanted me, or threw herself at me, I was permitted to have her provided we didn't sleep together. That would last until spring break, at which point I would enter the final phase, where the only rule was that I couldn't chase.
In my first stint of celibacy, a lot changed. I found myself less anxious overall, less worried about women, less worried about how I looked or presented myself (which isn't to say I became a slob, I just didn't fret over a wrinkle in my shirt before going to a party as I might have before). It was liberating. And then I failed for the first time.
My contract stipulated that if I failed, I was to withdraw from the experiment. One night I was at a friends, drinking with him and his attractive and interesting roommate. The time wore on, we all got more and more drunk, and finally, as I was leaving and my friend had already gone to bed, his roommate came down from her bedroom and said, "Dasani...you want to come upstairs and...talk?" I pondered for only a moment before telling her yes, I would like that. I wanted to see if I could hold out against temptation, which made for a differently sexy experience, of her trying to get me and me saying no and her apologizing for broaching my barriers. Interesting.
However, I relented, and we slept together. I decided to stay in The Experiment.
I failed a second time. Going to an old FBs house to drop off some books I had borrowed, I had to come in through her unlocked side door because she had not answered her phone. I found her, asleep on her bed at noon - she works the night shift - and so I crawled in next to her. She turned to me and I got a view of her near perfect breasts in a tight gray undershirt and couldn't resist. I started feeling her up, and as she got excited I told her we couldn't do anything but touch a little. And then I convinced her to get in the shower with me.
What followed was one of the most erotic, sensual experiences of my life. While my experiment had started out with celibacy, I was learning more in the realm of sexuality than I had imagined possible. I would pull her to me, roughly grabbing her breasts and whispering in her ear. She would thrust back into me and beg for me to fuck her, but in my twisted sense of loyalty to my promise to celibacy, I told her that we could only touch like this.
We showered for what must have been an hour and a half, washing each other, feeling each other. Wanting. Unable to sleep with or fool around with her, I experimented with other halfway options. I had her lie in the tub in front of me and finger herself while I watched. I tried talking dirty in a loud voice instead of my usual throaty whispers. We were both spectacularly turned on. And ultimately, I couldn't resist pushing a little further. I had her kneel in front of me while I jerked off and blew an enormous load on her face. She didn't even flinch.
I went the rest of the way to Thanksgiving without breaking again, and shortly into the second phase of The Experiment, I quit. I decided I had nothing to learn from simply denying myself sex but allowing hook ups.
As I write this and see it all in front of me, thoughts put to words, I realize just how much I did learn, and how little I know of sexuality. I'm too often complacent with just having sex, getting it over with and adding a notch to my belt. There's so much more to be enjoyed and experienced.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Tonight was as I would fear it would be. Is it the fear that caused it to happen as it did? If I could operate independent of that fear, that incessant insecurity, would things have been different? These are the sorts of questions that will no doubt consume me for quite some time, but tonight, I wish to record here for posterity one valuable lesson - more for myself, but to any along the path who may also carry their own doubts.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
I was writing up answers to a series of questions I wrote for myself almost a year ago (the details of all of this I may share here, if any results are worth posting) and came across the question, "Who do you admire?"
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Detailed and very long.
About a month ago, I asked a girl I sort of knew from the university crowd - Exotic - to come out with me. I'd only talked and flirted with her a couple of times, once at a dance and once at a party, and wanted to take it further, but I had few opportunities. With graduation out of the way, I only had a few days left in Portland and figured, what the hell, the only way I can get a hold of her is facebook chat. So that's what I went through. We talked a little before I told her that I was intrigued by her and wanted to take her out. She said it was poor timing because she was busy that evening and was leaving the following day to visit her family for a week, and I already knew I would be leaving within the next couple days.
However, she seemed very favorable, asking "So what can we do about this?" and so I told her to give me her number - I would let her know when I would be in town next and, if she was still interested, we would go out. She agreed.
Randomly I decided to go back to Portland the day before yesterday and hang out with a friend, and took the opportunity to contact Exotic. The text conversation went as follows:
Me: Hey it's Dasani. Short notice but i'll be in town for a couple days, and if you're interested, I want you to come out with me
Exotic: Oh Hey! Yeah sure, that would be awesome. When will you be in town?
Me: I'm coming in tonight. Free tomorrow night?
Exotic: Sure, tomorrow night is fine.
Me: Great, I'll call you around 6:30ish. [I stopped by phone from making a pocket call before sending this message, it does that] I think I just pocket called you, ignore it haha.
Exotic: Alright cool. Nah you didn't pocket call me. I'll talk to you then.
Went down and had a great time with my friend, set something up with an old FB, set another thing up with a current FB/Prospect for right before my date with Exotic, and felt good about the situation.
I realized I had not planned the date at all, and started getting ansty, so I called a friend who happens to be a ladies man. A classy one at that. The advice he gave me I summed up in an e-mail to myself:
1. In order to feel comfortable setting up an interesting date, you should have been to the venue or have done the activity prior to setting up the date. Know a few good places to go dancing or listen to live music so that when it comes time for the date you dont fall back on dinner and a movie (you do that because thats what you're comfortable with, not because you have no ideas. You get scared of trying to take her dancing or to a bar because you dont know anything about those places and you dont want to fuck it up on the date. So go BEFORE the date.)
2. Hikes are great dates. According to [advisor], "You can learn a lot more about someone on a hike than on any other type of date. Keep it at 4-7 miles round trip and no more than 1500 feet of elevation change." Get multiple sources for directions for trailheads so you don't get lost or have trouble finding it. (on that note, maybe get multiple sources for directions to wherever you're going, just in case.)
3. Learn how to mix some cocktails and keep the ingredients at your house. [advisor] likes something with a slight cinamon flavor that leaves a little spice on their tongue. "deal sealed."
4. Plan the date before the day of. On that note, have some predone up dates you can use (like the nickel arcade date, which is a pretty solid option).
It was too late for a hike and the weather was poor. I didn't know of any places for dancing other than bars and clubs that I wanted to avoid. What I ended up deciding, with the help of [advisor] and Yelp.com was to take her to a bouldering gym, then to a bar that conveniently had a live band every Tuesday, then back to her place for a movie (her place because I no longer have a home in Portland).
I texted her, several hours before I said I would:
Me: Have you been to that bouldering gym before?
Exotic: Which bouldering gym! lol
Me: [Place]. I thought it would be cool to go. Sound good?
Exotic: Yea sure, why not. What time?
Me: I'll pick you up about 7. Wear shorts, regular workout stuff, and bring a change of clothes. Whats your address?
Exotic: Alright! [Address] sounds like fun.
Me: Oh and grab a bite to eat, we can get something after if we want.
Exotic: Cool. I was actually going to eat something anyway.
I got my directions and then went out to an early dinner with another girl I had set plans with. She's an interesting one, but this post isn't about her.
Came back home, got ready and left to grab Exotic. When I got to her place she was ready and waiting for me, looking cute in her little exercise shorts. It was pretty obvious we were both a little nervous from the way the conversation gushed about trivial sorts of things that neither of us really cared about, but we progressed in comfort and I think really enjoyed ourselves on the car ride over. I lamented not having hugged her when I arrived, but it just didn't feel right.
I missed the exit and we got lost-ish for about half an hour, but it was good because we got the intial jitters out of the way while driving around searching for the gym.
We got there and snagged the only available parking place and went inside. I paid for both of us, she made no objection or comment about it (which I was pleased about, I hate it when I go to pay for something and girls object. As much as the community has drilled it into men that we shouldn't pay for shit, I still feel like a dick when I take somebody out and ask them to spend money that they wouldn't have spent had they not been out with me.)
This was the best idea for a date I've ever had. We didn't have to talk much or force conversation, because most of what we were doing was laughing at each others general ineptitude on the rock walls or gawking at the experienced climbers performing amazing feats. It also made a great opportunity to touch her because she's weaker than me (at 5' 2" it's no wonder), so I would support her back from under her while she made tougher reaches and "leaps of faith" as we were calling them.
We took a break after a half hour or so and chatted about each other, getting some much needed verbal rapport while our fingers and forearms recovered, then got back to it. After a few more climbs (and one in particular where I just managed to hold on after a near fall, completed the climb, but broke my will to continue in the process) we were both too tired to continue and I suggested we change. I had left my clothes in the car, so I ran out and grabbed them as well as stuffed a couple of condoms into my pocket - the date felt very on. We changed and got back into the car. I SOId, telling her I had been worried she wouldn't want to go climbing and I found her sense of adventure very sexy.
I told her I had done a search for bars in the area so we could grab a drink and found one that had sounded like a gem, so we went.
Neat little bar. Dark with just the right amount of dinginess, the whole crowd was older than us (40+ probably), and there would be a live band starting in about 40 minutes. So we had our first drink and chatted away, and got deeper with our rapport. I discovered her passion for psychology and particularly psychological disorders such as autism and listened to her stories of the internship she's working. I enjoyed talking with her very much, and it helped that we had a running commentary about the band members as they set up. There was this huge black guy on drums with a voice like poured honey, my favorite line from myself, spoken in my best attempt at a seductive black man, "Ladies and gentleman, I like to call this next song...you gon' get loved...tenderly."
The band was really good, jazzy sort of song with three different singers that would interchange (including the tender lover) and it made for a great opportunity to touch her a bit more intimately. The music was too loud to talk normally so we would lean in, our thighs and arms resting against each other while we talked in each other's ears. At one point I put my arm around her to pull her in and she came in without me even pulling, then seemed to catch herself and let me pull her in to talk. As it progressed our cheeks would touch as we spoke.
After two drinks and six or seven songs, we decided to go. It was a good ride home, and about 30 seconds from her house I said we should grab a movie from redbox and watch it. She agreed, so we went and got one just down the street from her place.
On the way back she asked me where I was staying while I was in Portland. This was the one question that, in the back of my mind, I knew I did not want to come up.
Earlier in the day the roommate of the friend I was staying with made an awkward comment to my friend. It sounded somewhat boastful and uncertain, like he wanted to fit an image that wasn't him, "Hey man, I hope you didn't hear me the other night." The obvious message was that he had a girl over and wanted us to know. I asked him who the girl was. Lo and behold, it was Exotic. I made no comment and decided it didn't matter to me. Girls hook up, it just so happened that I was staying with the FB of the girl I was taking out on a date.
Stranger things have happened to me, I'm sure.
At any rate it had crossed my mind (however briefly) that it might be uncomfortable for Exotic to find out that, not only did I know that she was fooling around, but that I was staying with her FB. Of course I didn't mention to the guy that I was taking Exotic out. I told her the truth, calling it my friend's house not her FB's, to which she said "Oh...I was actually over there hanging out the other night.." I figured, whatever, the fact that she's sleeping with somebody else means she isn't a virgin and I'm more likely to get in her pants, right?
We sit down to watch the movie and I pull her over to me. She seems...reluctant is the wrong word, but non cooperative and non responsive. She let me pull her over, but she didn't adjust herself against me or make it easier for me to adjust her. I soldiered on none the less. She wanted me over to watch a movie with her around 11:30 after a couple of drinks, why wouldn't she be interested in hooking up?
A half hour or so into the movie I was bored and decided that now would be the time to make a move, despite the general lack of new signs that she wanted it.
"Exotic, do you want to kiss me?"
"Uhh did you just say that? Haha, um I've never been asked like that before..uhh I don't kiss on the first (she was about to say date but stopped herself) hang out thing getting to know each other deal."
"You didn't expect that huh?"
"No, not really."
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Last night I had an interesting experience.
I've been going back and forth, pretty much all year, between these two girls who I really like. I've been trying to decide which I like better, and which I have a chance with. I think they both like me, on some level or another, but one girl more than the other. We'll call them Dancey and Artsy. They are best friends.
Recently I've been thinking that Artsy is more into me, and I had been leaning more in her direction. She's beautiful, knows how to dress herself and become even moreso, has an artistic side which I admire, and experiences emotion without feeling the compulsion to analyze it, which is a quality I envy.
Last night I was at a party at Artsy's house, and there was a guy friend of mine, DG, also there. A couple weeks back, Artsy and DG had madeout at a party. DG is an awesome guy, and he's dangerously handsome, but there isn't a whole lot to him as a person. He's positive, but not very 'alpha' or manly. Just really good looking and on the soccer team. Anyway, I didn't expect he would be much competition, because when I showed up he was bordering on blacked out, sloppy drunk. The alcohol was gone, so I played it all sober.
Anyway, I get pulled onto the dance floor with a bunch of lovely females, and I see DG and Artsy dancing together in the about-to-makeout style of dance. I felt a twinge of jealousy, decided, fuck that, and kept dancing. I looked back and Artsy was literally humping DG's leg. It's actually kind of comical to think about because they were so drunk they had no idea how ridiculous it looked. It was as if she was trying to grind a hole in his right pant leg, all pretense at dancing abandoned, but both with very serious looks on their faces. I didn't want to get into a bad mood and just stare, so I left to "get some water" much to the chagrin of the girls I was dancing with.
I'm upstairs flirting with another girl, determined not to let the night be bad for me because Artsy wanted DG and not me. They come upstairs, holding hands with one finger, and join the room I'm in. They hang out a bit, and later on in the night I see DG laying on Artsy's bed (door was open, light on) with Artsy standing awkwardly as somebody talked to her, obviously waiting for the spare to get out of the room.
I was upset, but underneath that upset, I felt my attraction for Artsy fading. This made a couple of theories as to why pop into my head (sidenote, I saw DG walking home this morning when I was coming back from grabbing breakfast, he obviously spent the night). The first, which inspired the title of this post, was that subconsciously, I put women on pedestals because I want them to be worthy of being on that pedestal. I want them to fit the standard that I've set for them. The other theory, is that as a defense against feeling bad about losing this battle, I started losing attraction to keep from thinking of it as a bad loss, as if I had managed to lie to myself this whole year about being interested in Artsy after having seen her "true colors."
I think both theories have some merit, and the truth lies somewhere in the middle (or perhaps there's a third or fourth option I haven't considered). I did think it was gross that Artsy hooked up with DG. As good looking as DG is, and as nice and positive as he is (and as much as he's on the soccer team), he was sloppy fucking drunk. He would sway on the spot as we talked. If he had looked up at the ceiling, he would have fallen backward. I can't imagine he was saying much that was very interesting. (this says a lot about what I think it takes, or should take, to attract a girl). So Artsy's standard for who she wanted, to me, seemed abysmally low, and the fact that she took what was in my opinion a worse option than me, made me think that she was beneath me, not worthy of her pedestal, which dimmed my attraction for her.
There's also the whole variable that I've been considering Dancey and Artsy as girlfriend material. The kind of women I would break my 5-6 year streak of singleness for. That being the case, it makes a lot of sense that I wouldn't be as interested in Artsy. Yes I'd still bang her. But would I date her? No. So cramming that into the frame of the pedestal explanation, she was on a girlfriend material pedestal, and proved she wasn't worth it.
I suppose I'll be focusing more energy on Dancey from now on. Somehow, this both makes me glad, and excites me.
Monday, February 22, 2010
It's about 3 and a half single spaced typed pages. 10-15 minute read. If you've got the stomach, take it on.
It is written as a fictitious future authority figure addressing an imaginary audience of the past.
Whatever I say is true. There is no disputing it. When I speak, the words I choose are neither carefully chosen nor eloquent. I make no use of older persuasion techniques. I do not speak to you through a frame or attempt to correct my language and mask my intentions. I speak, and it is so.
I have authority.
I have heard of times past where authority was questionable; where a single dissenter could cause waves of disrupt powerful enough to unbalance any system. It is no longer so. And the process to make it so, to make things as they are and will be, has so long since finished that its beginnings are lost. I will make an effort to discover it, and by my effort, those lost facts will become reality.
Human beings were seen as vessels capable of perceiving the world and interpreting what they see. They were capable of abstract thought, of decision making, and in short, they were seen as conscious. The fundamental choice of a human being, which by definition of the time made them human, was to be conscious or not. The greatest failing of human beings, the greatest obstacle to consciousness as I shall define it, is the concept of effort.
In order to make a conscious decision, action, or even the simplest and most fundamental of all choices, the choice to be conscious, requires a force of effort. The choice of unconsciousness is automatic. It requires no expenditure of ‘effort.’ If one accepts by the traditional rules of economics that greater resources are superior to a resource deficit, and accepts further that ‘effort’ is a an expendable force and has limits, one reaches what could once have been called Original Sin. The sin is such that, in order to be conscious, one must incur a deficit of effort, a decline of the spirit and of enjoyment. The battle is between ease and effort, and is sinful in that there is a dissonance at all between happiness and achievement in the human mind. However, in order to be unconscious, one incurs no debt and experiences no unhappiness. The only requirement is that some men, and I of course refer to those men of authority such as myself, must take upon themselves the burden that is consciousness, and incur the debt of effort, in order for the unconscious to have a source of motive power – else they simply lie still.
By removing the burden of consciousness, effort expenditure ceases. Life becomes easy. Simply do. No choice, for choice requires effort. Even the concept of doing or not is irrelevant, as we have come so far as to correct the error of humanity, the original sin. The choice to be unconscious or not no longer exists. We make the decision before a man is born, whether or not he will be conscious.
I sense there will be an air of unacceptability to what I have said to any listener who has not experienced our way of life. They may question those truths that I utter (which is unheard of now, but even still) in favor of ‘their truth.’ Understand, that the human mind is a logical machine, and provided you give it proper logical fuel, that is to say arguments that follow a clear linear method, the mind gives the body permission by which to experience ‘truth.’
The miracle of truth is far from what some ancient men may have believed of it. By my understanding (and thus it is so) the concept of truth was unchangeable. Some ethereal idea that, once grasped, held the keys to existence. Men, gripped in original sin and unaware of the fundamental struggle to be conscious or not, sought out the truth in whatever way they might. There were those, the ancestors of the people, who moved toward whatever truth was most convincing, followed the straightest logical path (with logical inventions such as ‘faith’ which is a circumvention of logical fallacy, this became much easier). And there are those who chose consciousness, and learned to understand truth for what it is.
Through my choice of language you may have already understood one of the fallacies that gripped the ancient man. The idea of multiple truths, exemplified by the phrase popular at the time ‘my truth is not your truth’ which, if one applies the proper logic, one realizes that a statement of that nature is a negation of what truth represents. This is because the ancient peoples did not understand what the reality of ‘truth’ is, and so they believed in their gods and political systems, in order to discover ‘truth.’
The reality of truth, is emotional. Truth is a feeling that can be experienced by a man, provided his mind machine is fed the proper logic fuel. The earliest people experienced the world without the aid of science, and so created reason for it to be. Logical paths by which one can come to understanding, false or not, that is experienced as the emotion of truth. The Aborigines believed great canyon’s were carved by massive serpents, for this makes logical sense when the canyon’s resemble the patterns left by snakes in sand. The Greeks believed a multitude of gods controlled everything from childbirth to weather, for it can be made to make logical sense that there is a force outside ourselves which drives those things we cannot understand.
They did not tell these stories under the assumption that it was only a story for entertainment, to be corrected upon a better understanding. They created a logical fuel, fed it to their mind, experienced ‘truth’ and then further committed the error of identifying the emotion (and all emotions are fleeting and continually changing) with an empirical reality. Because I have felt and experienced ‘truth’ there is a body of ‘truth’ that can be discovered and lived continuously. Is there more beautiful logic than this?
Each belief system built upon older, less ‘true’ systems, each catering to different crowds, and each claiming to hold exclusive rights to the real estate of empirical ‘truth.’ It was often the case that even those with power and status within systems of truth-claim, did not hold stock in their truth-claim. They were conscious, or at least they were to a degree.
Consciousness, although it lies at the start with one choice (to be or not) is a continual choice, a forever struggle between conscious and unconscious. Because the struggle never ends, there are degrees of consciousness. A person who chooses to make conscious action, to expend effort only half the time, cannot be said to be fully conscious. And thus we have those men of whom I spoke, who can partake in a truth-claim, and simultaneously hold no regard for it as ‘truth.’
There is an old saying, popular among the unconscious as a defense of their unconsciousness, which has since become anachronous in the light of our world order. Saying is a misleading term for this thing, which is in reality a concept, however it gave birth to many sayings. The concept is that of difficulty or ‘hardness.’ Something can be ‘too hard’ and thus seemingly unachievable (but wait!). It can have a high degree of ‘difficulty’ and appear unapproachable. However, when one examines these terms closely, one comes to realize that beneath the contexts of this concept and these sayings is a line of fine print. Something that is too hard, is not necessarily unachievable, but is achievable only through a large expenditure of effort. Whether or not to expend this effort becomes a mathematical equation, and a person decides, because they have accepted that effort is an expendable commodity, whether or not an action is ‘worth it.’ Of course, if effort were not expendable, anything that could be seen as rewarding becomes worth it. A gain of a skill or an achievement at the cost of nothing but time, only if effort were seen as coming from an unlimited source. Because most ancient people’s accepted, without thought, and thus unconsciously, that effort is limited, even those who are making choices (conscious, and thus expending effort) to not do something, are doing so from a base position of unconsciousness. If one stays with the accepted idea of effort as expendable, and one experiences a moment of ‘truth’ that requires no effort, the logical conclusion is that truth is something that does not require much if any effort, and thus if you are ‘working too hard’ or expending too much effort, you are not moving in the direction of truth, and must choose another route.
The search for a way of doing without a large expenditure of effort is a journey into unconsciousness. The easiest way, is to be told. Older political ideologies and religious faiths gave a prescribed code of behavior, of living and morality, to those who could not (chose not to be conscious enough) discover for themselves what way to live.
Hold your thoughts, if you believe I have just contradicted myself, for to discover for oneself what way is best to live, is to go against the idea that there is only one truth, that truth has an empirical reality and can be discovered. It is indeed, but it is not a contradiction, for it comes back to the original choice of consciousness or unconsciousness. A conscious person, a person who takes upon himself the burden and responsibility of bearing that consciousness, does not hold with the idea of a single truth, or even the empirical reality of truth in the manner in which the unconscious speak of it. They have not bought into the notion of ‘truth’, but instead recognize it’s nature as a feeling.
To be unconscious in the old world was to be unhappy, and to be conscious was to live through ones own effort, but to be happy by it. This notion has changed by our effort, the new conscious. There was no system in place to keep the unconscious in a life that is fully unconscious, they had to deal with reality eventually, on their own, and it caused great pain. They had moments where consciousness was unavoidable, where their nature (the desire to be unconscious) clashed with what reality required, conscious effort and thought (the struggle of original sin).
Now, we allow men to experience full unconsciousness. Without any choice of whether or not to be conscious or unconscious, there is no dissonance in the premises that are accepted. A person that is semi conscious, who has accepted that effort may be expended and is not unlimited, will experience pain. We do not give the choice of what premise to accept in effort. Because there is no choice, there is no expenditure of effort in the traditional sense, and thus there is full happiness. Because we provide truth, in every word we utter, there is no search for truth. It is lived (in its truest sense, as a feeling, but also in it’s mythical sense as an empirical reality, because we are truth). A perfect society, with perfect happiness.
What of those of us who have been chosen to live consciously. How do we men of authority function in this world of the unconscious? We are the motive power of all men, the source of their achievement. We are the effort, mind and will, they are the body. Whatever we choose becomes a reality, whatever we decree becomes truth. Our existence is as happy as those who live under us, but with the burden of consciousness and effort. We move the world.
But what of you, who have come so far in reading this message. Surely the logic was pleasing to your mind, but how ‘hard pressed’ would you be to recall its exact line? I was misleading before when I said the body experiences truth when the mind follows the proper logical path. Yes, that is true, but the truth is most effective, most fully engrained, when the logic cannot be recalled, and the listener is unconscious to the point of accepting that first feeling of truth as reality. Once it is accepted, there is no further need to move back, to analyze. The answer is there, you ‘feel it’ but to go back and find it would require an expenditure of effort. Is it not more blissful to ‘take on faith’ that what you read was sound enough to justify your feeling of truth?
What I ask you now, is to go back to your fundamental choice. To be conscious or not. Will you accept my conclusion (which I assure you, is truth at its most pristine), or will you question it? I offer you this choice in full knowledge and confidence of what your answer will be. I am authority. You are not a threat.