Monday, September 22, 2008

Crossing the Threshold

Last night I felt like I finally crossed the threshold with LittleOne. Lol, finally, as if it's been so long.

I made it way more obvious than I usually do when I'm getting involved with a girl, that I don't do relationships and I'll be seeing other girls, but when I'm with her, I'm with her. Then I said this, and I realized the truth of it as I spoke, "Look LittleOne, bottom line, It's very important to me that you know exactly what kind of person I am before you get involved with me." I realized the way I used to get into my whole "I don't do relationships" spiel, by telling the story of my first girlfriend, and went back to the beginning and told that.

I crossed the threshold after that point. I think that for me, getting past that "obstacle" is about being honest and putting myself out there, regardless of whether or not this person will accept me.

Part of me is saying now, that the feeling of crossing the threshold comes because I have the girl's approval, despite her knowing that I'm not going to be involved with her exclusively. Another part of me says that the feeling comes from the peace of mind of knowing that, no matter what happens, I held myself to a high standard and maintained my integrity as an honest person. The only way to test this for sure is to get to this point with a number of girls, and have some of them reject me. If I still cross the threshold after I'm rejected, it is the latter. If I feel reserved/etc it is the former.

I want to get to the point where I've crossed the threshold with myself. In that way, I'll be expressing who I am, fully, without care of who will approve of me and who won't, everywhere I am. Not just crossing it with individual girls.

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