I'm losing momentum. Not having my car, I haven't been getting out as often as I'd like, and by that I mean the only time I'm going out specifically to practice is...never. I get a few random approaches in during the week, real spur of the moment stuff and I've made some solid contacts, and I usually hit a party or two on the weekend.
Anyway, tonight I went over to a buddy's house, a dual 21st birthday. I just kind of mingled, I was having fun but I was moving everywhere. That's something I do at parties that I've got to slow down, I never allow myself time to chill and relax into the environment and make some connections. I walk around, moving from point to point, talking with people in short bursts before walking away. I think I'm just deathly afraid of putting myself out there in a committed interaction sometimes. One thing I did well, this girl I call C-Frish, I don't even know her real name and it's become a joke between us, I tell her never to tell me. Anyway I saw her and I busted on her way too hard, something about how she was embarassing me and herself. She looked legitimately hurt and started walking away, so i grabbed her by the arm and said "hey, come back here.." and pulled her in for a big hug, which she fully invested herself in. I realized I was being a douche, and I pulled it back, that's important.
I left a little while later and met up with Millenium. He and I headed to another house party with his girlfriend and her friend. Got there, I just didn't feel social tonight, I mingled a little bit and this girl who loves me for some reason and is not from around here but visits, comes up, ignores her boyfriend for me, but then introduces him as her boyfriend. Too bad. I tried to leave and call it a night but I met up with some friends and they literally carried me back.
I'm chatting with Millenium and leaning over, so my stomach was kinda fatty feeling under my shirt (I'm not fat, but I'm not in the best shape of my life). Anyway, M's girlfriend starts grabbing my fat, it kinda tickles and hurts and she goes "what is all this!?" I think it's so stupid that I do it back and say "oh wow! look you've got it too!" she FREAKS THE FUCK OUT and starts kicking and punching me. Legitimately trying to hurt me, I'm like "Millenium, regulate this shit." But he thinks we're kidding around and she keeps trying to hit me. Part of me was confused I was being attacked, and part of me was saddened that a girl, upon receiving exactly the same treatment that she's giving, flips the fuck out. One of the other girls "broke it up," the girlfriend walks away, comes back, and then starts complimenting me....Right.
Inside I ended up meeting a very cute japanese foreign exchange student, Japan. I grabbed her by the arm and asked her why everybody was leaving the room I was headed for. I should remember that, I don't always have to approach somebody in a direct or clever way. Asking them a question is just fine. That doesn't mean I'm going to walk around shooting opinion openers off at parties, that is stupid, but sometimes i gotta hammer the basics in.
At one point this older community guy I know through the lair comes over and starts trying to DHV me to a girl I've known for a year. This is one reason I try to avoid him.
Japan and I start talking and part, I see her again, later I see her walking by and I just yell "JAPAN!! come here" she comes over and we start talking. The girl she was with, she met that night. I move her out of the room too come with me to get some water. We move around the party and talk a little bit, she was super nice, though I can't be sure if she was attracted. I got her phone number, gave her mine, was going to leave her a voicemail with both of us talking but she doesnt have voicemail because shes only in the country for a little while and her plan doesn't cover it. Her almost transsexual friend comes over. He(almost she... I heard he's actually taking hormones and he does have a wicked feminine voice) and I talk a little bit, but he is leaving the party and takes Japan with him.
I was heading home myself when I ran across the girl who really needs a damn name because she keeps coming up. She is upset and walking home alone, at night, in north portland. Not the safest. I offer to walk her. We get all the way to her house when her drunk housemate calls, tells her she walked the wrong way trying to get home (also alone) and so now we have to go and get her. We do. On the way back to my place (which was in the direction we had to go to meet the drunk girl) I ran into SassyFrass. She runs up and hugs me and wraps her legs around me, and says we're going to hang out soon and sorry for passing out on the couch the night before (I went over for a small get together, just some friends and drinking games.) She's going to make me dinner on wednesday.
Anyway, I get my housemates boyfriend to drive the lot of us back to the drunk girls' house and drop them off, then come back.
I think a key to getting good at this is being able to develop the mindset where I'm genuinely curious about any person I choose to be curious about. The only girl i was really interested, consciously and emotionally (not just attracted to), tonight was Japan, but there were TONS of hott females around.
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For some reason, I am upset and a little angry with girls. I was fine with walking the original drunk girl home, its not like she asked me, I decided it was the right thing to do. But drunk girl kept getting on the phone while I was walking her, and I started caring less and less. Eventually I started to get downright annoyed. Who is so stupid drunk that they walk a mile in the wrong direction trying to get home. That isn't a question.
By the time we rendezvous with the real drunk girl, I didn't even want to look at either of them, just get them home and get me home. I don't know why this whole situation pissed me off. I guess maybe because I didn't feel like I was getting the respect I deserved for the great pains I was taking to get these girls home safe. I think it's the old nice guy in me, upset that he isn't getting laid for doing nice "gentlemanly" things. The thing is, I'm just not interested in sleeping with the first girl I was walking home with, I used to be, now I'm repulsed at the idea. I would probably with the other, she's just a weird girl so its like a novelty attraction. But I wasn't actively interested in it.
Seeing SassyFrass and having her confirm to make me dinner and hang out actually put me in a worse mood. Whats up with that? Ug, gotta figure some shit out. Gotta get in field more.
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