Sunday, November 1, 2009
Reading over my previous posts, I really enjoy the kind of deep thinking and personal insight that I've experienced over the lifetime of this blog, and further. I don't have a central thesis to talk about as of the writing of this sentence, so I expect this to be somewhat disjointed. All of the ideas that come out are in progress and do not necessarily accurately reflect my feelings and thoughts at present.
Part of me misses when I would go out as often as possible and come out with a new theory every week about life, women and relationships. Part of me feels as though that's not me anymore, and that as I grow and change, so too will my focus of energy and ideas. Part of me just misses the drama of caring so god damned much about girls.
I'm gunna throw out some statistics about myself that aren't a hundred percent accurate (I'd rather not dig up the evidence to support them).
I discovered the pickup community in September of 2006, my freshman year of college. I first read The Game that month, and read The Venusian Arts Handbook in October.
Prior to that, I had slept with 6 different women. I had hooked up with (meaning further than just kissing and groping) probably a dozen or so, and I had kissed around 15 or 20.
I lost my virginity at the age of 16 when I was a sophomore in high school near the end of the year, which means that I had about two and a half years of active sex life before discovering the community.
That's around three women slept with per year, to make the math simple.
In that time I had 4 relationships that were worth remembering or that had an impact on me.
As I stand now, it's been about three to three and a half years since I discovered the community.
I've had sex with 22 or 23 different women (I'll say 22 and be conservative), hooked up with...fuck... probably over 30, and kissed well over 70. I've probably been sexually involved (meaning at least kissed (in a sexual way, not just friendly)) with over 100 people.
In terms of sex, that's about six people per year.
If my stats are anywhere near accurate (and I question whether they are), I've doubled my sexual productivity, about tripled my hook up productivity, and about tripled or quadrupled my kissing productivity. Wow. Them's some numbers.
Since discovering the community, I've had I think only three decent/impactful relationships. I feel like that can't be right and I must be forgetting somebody, but if I'm forgetting them, how meaningful or impactful was the relationship?
This seems like compelling evidence for the contention that the community has not strengthened my ability to find women who I like having a relationship with, or can keep around. This has been a concern of mine, that I hook up with women who I don't like. Interesting to see it written out like this, but I have another direction I'd like to take this information.
According to the Kinsey Institute website ( http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html ) which may have information as recent as 2005, the average man age 30-44 reports only 6-8 sexual partners in their lifetime. In terms of sexual numbers, I'm an outlier to an enormous degree, I'm a statistical superhuman. I've almost tripled the upper estimate of a statistic reported on men who are at least eight years my senior. At 6 people per year on average, that is another 48 women onto my original 22, for a grand total of 70 women by the time I'm 30.
If sex is as important as I've made it; if it is as central to life and being as I have placed it, and if it holds as crucial a place in my values as it has, then I should be a person of the utmost self esteem and pride. Especially in light of the numbers up above.
But I'm not.
Granted, I genuinely believe I have higher self esteem than the majority of people I know, but that does not mean that I have high self esteem.
If the purpose of life, as Mystery likes to say again and again, is to survive and to replicate, what place in the world does that leave for achievement? If the only measure of your potency as a human being is the number and quality of the sexual partners you've had, and pride and self esteem is the barometer of that success, why am I not three times happier and more self fulfilled than the average person? And if I am (which sometimes I think I am) what does that say about our abysmally low standard for what qualifies as a happy, fulfilled life?
More important, is my choice of the word "sometimes" above. It came out as things naturally do, not out of a careful reasoned decision. My happiness and self esteem has been as variable as the choice of a single card from a deck. However statistically superhuman my sexual efforts may be, my feeling of self esteem and overall happiness does not reflect what it seems should be the logical outcome of such a life. To a person whose primary value is getting laid, who is faced with evidence that he has already well surpassed the lifetime numbers of an average man, should he not feel proud of what he has done and accomplished?
And the simple answer is, no, he should not. We have made a mistake as men (as humans even) in placing sex as a primary value. Even those who denounce sex as evil or dirty place it as one of their highest values, but as a negative. I am and have been one of the worst proponents of this mistake. The mistake is not just placing sex as a value, but in thinking of sex as an achievement.
Sex is not an achievement.
If the purpose of human life is to survive and to replicate, we should not live in the world we live in now. There would be no sky scrapers, no airplanes, no fast food or video games. There would be no birth control. There would be nothing in this world that we did not need to survive and to replicate if we were just little social robots programmed to fuck and continue the cycle.
Therefore, the purpose of life is NOT simply to survive and to replicate. Furthermore, some deeper desire has actively STOPPED us from attempting to live in a survive and replicate manner, some man has ACHIEVED something to do that, and it is called birth control.
As another premise, there exists in this world things that might be described as achievements. If sex is not one of these, we still have a myriad of things to choose from and call achievement, those things listed above to start. If those things exist, then there must be a higher driving force that causes them to exist, some innate desire in humans to achieve, to create.
Therefore, one primary purpose of life is to achieve. "Why?" is an interesting question, and I do not have an answer. I do know that it is not circular. In order to achieve, one must make progress, and progress is an upward motion, it does not come back around to where it started (as with replication - have kids, who have kids, who have kids, simply to keep on having kids).
Sex is a non-value that we have mistaken as a value. I'll explore this issue further in another post.