Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Emotionally Sensitive Periods

Some people probably think this is common knowledge. Those people are probably wrong or just don't get what I want to talk about, even if it sounds kind of "derr."

Relationships, I believe, have emotionally sensitive periods. To put it in community terms, it's like a period of continual, very subtle shit testing. Actually any sort of continual shit testing.

At the beginning, girls shit test to see how much control they have over you. They may do this periodically, but if you're not a pussy or have a strong frame, you'll pass these easily. Emotionally sensitive periods are a little trickier.

You have to do something to drop into one of these periods, usually something big, but I'm not ruling out the possibility of it being something small, or a collection of small things.

For instance, in talking with LittleOne the other day, I was in an emotionally vulnerable mood. I had just bitched out TheActress for being effing nuts, I was taking in the gravity of how poorly I had held up my own standards for women and life, and then she drops this little comment about how, since I was confused about what she was talking about, I must have been lying when I told her what I did.

This struck a nerve in me.

Why would she immediately jump into thinking I was lying about something if she trusted me? So I asked. Turns out, she "isn't sure if she trusts me." I figured, fine, whatever. We're having sex and I like what we have, so if trust is going to change that, maybe she should just keep me at arms length.

Well I hung out with her tonight, and I realized I was subtly shit testing her the whole time. I usually do all the talking because she's semi quiet, so I shut up to see if she would talk. Nope. In driving back, and this was so girly of me I almost couldn't believe it, I mentioned how much I loved the band I was listening to in the car, and asked her if she would ever go see them in concert with me. She said maybe. I said, contingent on what. She said price and date. I said "25 dollars on a thursday night" she says "wait are they actually coming? or are you just asking hypothetically? don't do that!" All I wanted was for her to give me a legitimate response, something like "I would go if you wanted me to go" or "You know, it really isn't my style, if you absolutely begged me I would, but just for you" or "You kidding? you'd have to babysit me the whole time because i'd be moping, better you go alone than bring me" just something!

Our relationship, for those who are not as good at extrapolating, had entered into an emotionally sensitive period, wherein all of her actions were now on trial and had much greater significance than in a normal period. Were I not on the fence about her somewhat, I would not care about her responses, but since we are in this period, every wrong answer is a tally against her.

I brought her over to hang out with one of my buddies and me for a little bit. He and I joke around, I try to bring her in on the joke, she is unable. That's ok, he and I have greater rapport than she and I. Later I make a joke to her, and she says "isn't it sad that this takes up such a huge portion of your life?" or something like that. I tell her she doesnt have to be so serious all the time, she says "if you think i'm serious all the time, you clearly dont know me." guess I dont know her.

At her house she wouldn't let me, at least for long, just play with her limp arm while we watched the election. It's just something I like to do, its harmless. But I feel like she thinks I'm trying to demonstrate power over her, or tool her somehow, and thats not the case at all. I was actually really fucking annoyed that she kept pulling away. Maybe she doesnt like it, but guess what, I'm not the only person in the relationship that might try something new to help make the other person happy.

Girl needs to lighten up. I'm not into the silent and serious type.

No comments: