Saturday, November 29, 2008

What I Learned This Weekend

*First and foremost, the Threshold. My idea of what it takes to cross it was totally rocked last night. I've never slept with a girl so fast after meeting her, and I have yet to cross the threshold with her. I'm comfortable, but I'm not to the point where I just don't care, but in a nonchalant kind of way. Crossing the threshold I hypothesize, has more to do with me than where the relationship is. I banged this girl, but I didn't feel, as I usually do, that "whew, sex is out of the way, now we can be normal together." I'll have to figure this out, this is absolutely key.

*A lot about being the prize. BigBear definitely saw me as the prize. Whether she still does is in the air. I saw her tonight and I got the same sort of "I'll kiss you but not committed" as I did last night after we had sex. Buyers remorse? Maybe, but that doesn't match up with everything else. I texted her once this morning in response to a text she sent me sometime last night that I ignored. We ended up texting most of the morning, like 11-3:30, and we planned to meet up tonight and have dinner, which she would pay for. However, she texted when she got back into town from what she was doing, and invited me to ice cream. I said I didnt want ice cream and asked about sushi, she said something about how her mom didn't believe she was going to dinner...weak, maybe not true because she later told me she had eaten. ANyway, she then said she and her cousin were going to starbucks. I responded with "I see." And left it at that. She texted asking what i was doing, I got distracted and took awhile to answer so she called me. She invited me over to her place to watch a movie with her cousin and her. I went. Her parents are nuts, I was sitting in a chair and she was on her bed with her cousin, the mom came in at 11 to kick us out. I drove with her and her cousin to drop the cousin off, hoping she and I could hook it up on the way back home. No dice, I had her walk me to my car when we got back to her place, pulled her into me and we madeout a little, not erotically, she was pretty non commital, although she did put her hands in my back pockets. Then I shoved her away and she said "dont shove me i'll shove you back" and I said "thats what makes it fun!" and we parted.

Ok so that was basically a FR of tonight, but the prize parts are evident for later browsing.

*When I have crossed the threshold I don't analyze so much. Notice the intense analysis up above. Weak. Let it be as it is.

*Enjoy the process. This was a huge milestone, to lay a girl so quickly, I'm shattering my old concepts of what is possible, but that doesn't mean I have to get hooked on making this girl an MLTR or something. So what if we don't have sex again? Yeah it was fun, yeah you'd like to do it and be more on par...oh shit. I just realized I identify with being bad in bed and therefore have a vested self interest in being bad. The theory stands! However, I now identify as all the girls identify me, as awesome in bed and an experience to be savored.

Finishing the original thought process, this whole deal is a process. If the first time you ever played soccer against another team you scored a goal, you're not a failure if you don't score again that game, or continue to consistently score goals. Realize that its a taste of success, and things will progress and you will improve over time. It's not a big deal.

*Breathing techniques work wonders for anxiety

*Remember not to act out of a state of reaction. You'll find the world is not on your side when you do. Remember to stay conscious and stay present, don't allow the emotions that flood you to intoxicate you to the point where you forget that you are the presence behind those thoughts and feelings, not the thoughts and feelings themselves.

*Parent "game." I forgot how much parents like me. It's always good to make jokes and get them laughing. Mine tonight, the little dog was being held up by BigBear for her cousin to "kiss" and the dog licked her lips, then she held it out to kiss me and I said "no, you don't get to kiss me, we just met, I have rules." Which was hilarious.

*Win over the friends. I got the cousin laughing at about everything i said, it helps that i'm a funny bitch.

Something I'd like to know how to deal with, is her talking about her ex. It didnt bother me so I just ignored it and watched a movie, but I don't feel like it was helping to have her facebook chatting with him (the needy creepy dude, jesus, some of the stuff...anyway) while the movie was on.

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