Sunday, November 30, 2008

Adding to the previous post

I just realized some other things BigBear helped me to realize myself. Like I said, she's one of the hottest girls I've ever been with, and thinking back I realized some very insecure shit I was thinking while with/interacting with her.

*We were looking into eachothers eyes during sex, and at some point she looked away, and I thought "she must be seeing how gross I look with all this acne" or something to that effect. My acne has been flaring up the past couple weeks (stress I suppose), but normally it doesn't bother me so much. I was worried that I wasn't physically attractive enough for this girl WHILE I WAS INSIDE HER!

*Being with hotter girls acts like a mirror on my self and the state of my game. I might get with a 7 and not give a fuck about anything, but then I'm with a 9 (and I'm really not into rating girls, but I have to put it into perspective for myself some how) and suddenly I feel insecure. That says a lot about my internals, and it also says it's time to upgrade.

*No LMR with BigBear. Another correlation based on little evidence but still worth noting. Best looking girl in awhile, no LMR. Then I get masses when I get with girls like Asia or TheActress. Good looking girls have greater access to sex, and as such they have more experience upon which to base their conclusions about sex and relationships. They're not hypocrits operating on outdated belief structures that have no basis in experienced reality. BigBear decided she wanted to fuck me, and didn't fuck around going about it. What happened after... who knows.

*Does it really matter if you know why? Seriously, if I knew why BigBear didn't try to fuck me again, would it really change anything? Would it really matter? The only thing I could see changing would be if she just decided she got what she wanted and was just being polite, in which case I would see no reason to go any further with it. Basically, the NEED to know that kind of stuff is a function of the Ego's never ending desires and wants. Greater control, greater mastery, avoiding fear of the unknown, whatever, it really isn't important enough to feel insecure over. Not much if anything really is.

1 comment:

Dream said...

this is a really good post man, a growing post