I'll try to keep this short.
I'm writing up some goals for myself, I'll put a couple of the main ones here.
1. I want to get to a point with pickup and women where I feel that I am qualified to teach beginning guys and have enough insight to give even experienced veterans a fresh perspective and something valuable. The deadline I am setting for this goal is May 2009. By then, If I stay consistent, it is almost impossible to miss this goal. By doing this, I will be unlocking much of my potential to do just about anything.
2. I want to open up a bank account specifically for saving money for trips and adventures. In addition to now having money to do things like head off to far away lands and conventions, it will also teach me a thing or two about managing my finances, which is very important and I haven't been doing so well with recently.
Tonight instead of going out I let one of the guys from the lair talk me into going to a "men's circle." I was curious about what goes on there and figured it couldn't hurt so I went.
I won't go into detail because I'll begin to rant. Lets just preface by saying I'm restarting my 10 day mental challenge tomorrow. The group, though it had a good intent, ended up just being a bunch of men who are dissatisfied with life spilling their souls about their problems. I tried this, to be vulnerable and open, and it felt good to let it out, but I felt immediately judged by the other men as they started to, basically, cross examine me and try to lead me to their conclusions instead of letting me draw out my own. The group talked a lot about not making judgements and not being judgmental, but I haven't seen so much judging, from myself also, in years. The whole room reeked of negative energy and I was overcome by it. I wanted to tell people how to behave to fix their problems, tell them to quit whining, tell them to man up. I tried to put a positive spin on most of what I said, I realize this now and I'm glad of it, but most guys would end on a note that was akin to the protagonist of a movie dying and the screen fading to black.
And look I've started to rant. By the time I got home I was actually ready to snap. I allowed my negativity that I garnered from the meeting to fill me up and take me over. To put it in Tolle terms, my pain body raised its ugly head and I mistook it for me. I'm going to stop ranting now.
Tomorrow, or rather 11 minutes from now, I restart my mental challenge. There is positivity to be found in all of this, if nothing more than the discovery that I don't ever want to go to a men's circle again.