Wednesday, August 13, 2008
We're comin' hoooOOOooome
Currently I'm back in my hometown, so theres going to be a gap in the FR's. It is what it is (I'm loving that phrase recently!).
Yesterday I had the chance to meet up with one of the girls I've known since the days of yore. She's hardcore christian, and forgive me christians, but one of the few that I've met who has actually examined her beliefs. She's a sweet girl and she's really taking her life in a direction that she wants to. It's fascinating to see the difference between our view points. I resolved to hold nothing back about my sexuality or my views (with the exception of telling her I'm into pickup, I just don't feel like she's ready for that yet, or maybe it's me who isn't ready) of the world. For instance, she wants to be married in the next year or so (she's 19) which REALLY strikes the chord of outrage within me. But I held my tongue and told my judgmental side to shut up. Her life is not mine to control.
I shared my opinion on marriage and how I view it, and it's interesting to note this. In talking with my buddy Millenium the other day, we noticed how in essence we're after the same thing, but we're taking totally different directions to get it. We both want success with women and in life (to put it simply) however I believe that all success will come through being successful with women, I feel like once I get that handled I can focus on what REALLY matters, whereas Millenium focuses more on his lifestyle and the things he does, working to make women a byproduct of what he does. Some people no doubt think I'm going the wrong way about this, by treating success with women as the gatekeeper skill of all things in life, and some may fall closer to my area of the field where they think that as long as you have no success with women, a dark shadow will fall over the rest of your life. But none of that matters, which side you're on, or even if you're on a section of an entirely different field.
What matters is YOUR beliefs, interpretations, and views of any particular issue.
In talking with my girl-friend, I found for the first time (and it's funny to think I never thought of this before), that somebody viewed marriage in an entirely different way from me. Oh the ego. I tend to view marriage as an end. The end of dating, the end of the game, the ultimate goal of finding your soulmate, whatever way you see it, it's the end of something, you've reached the peak and the rest is coasting on the plateau. She doesn't see it that way.
Marriage to her is the next step, the natural progression. She doesn't see it as the end. She doesn't see it as the beginning. Now that I write this I wish I had gone deeper into it, maybe I'll give her a call.
In talking about values with her, one of her highest "moving away from" values was stagnation and a feeling of being trapped. This blew my mind!! Isn't this exactly what you're doing by getting married!? Of course I didn't say this, striving to be nonjudgmental, even if only verbally at first. But FROM HER POINT OF VIEW, from her mindset, from her interpretive stance on what marriage IS, how could it be some place to get stuck if it's the natural progression?
Of course I wish she would take some of my advice in regard to her situation and dating in general, but a lot of it clashes with what she believes. I'll have to trust that she is in as much control of this as she is with the rest of her life, and be happy that she is living to her values.
I told her about HomeRunKing, a good friend of Dream's and a co-speaker at the 2008 Under 21 Convention. I won't shell out too much info on him here as I don't want to disrespect what he told me about himself, but suffice it so say he's a religious, moral dude, who happens to be interested in pickup. I told her about how he shares many of her views, however he wants to have a greater selection of women to choose from so that he knows he's making the right choice. He is experiencing more women, without compromising his values and beliefs. Man I'd like these two to meet, that'd be interesting.
So what I'm trying to say to myself her, is that the path of non-judgment, true non judgment, lies within the concept of empathy and shared human experience. We are all here, together on this planet, and since the beginning of time we've been trying to force our view points on one another, saying that ours is the correct way and any other path will lead to ruin. We're pushing ourselves, from a cradle of shared experience, into twin beds of separation and solitude. In doing this we often create PAIN within ourselves in our attempts to direct and control the lives of others. However, if we can empathize with this other person, to see and feel the situation the way they do, we can let go of the compulsion to project our way of life upon this other person. How can you hate what they do when you fully immerse yourself in it? By seeing it through their eyes, and maintaining our own stance, we can then fully accept their position and who they are, and allow them to just Be.
Like Millenium and I, we're great friends because we recognize that our paths are not mutually exclusive, we both see the virtues in the other's, accept that it is what it is, and enjoy what we do regardless.
Little reminder to myself, though this sounds rad and all writing it down, I will remain open to new views, information, and ideas.
But seriously, somebody spank me cuz I'm BAAAAAD!