Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Say YES to Sexual Tension

I was rereading "How to Meet and Connect With Women" for the millionth time, and some things really stuck out at me. In particular, the idea of creating sexual tension.

I've been hooking up with girls in the past 8-9 months or so who I don't really care about, and in doing so I fullfilled every single point on Wayne's list of "sexually obsessed" characteristics, vs sexual tension characteristics. Then I blame the girl for not being good enough for me and us not having any chemistry!

He writes:
Sexual Obsession
-wanting sex
-your desire
-the goal
-the situation

So I'll break down one of my lightning quick movie closes. Last semester, this girl I knew was kinda into me. I was into her, but not interested in making her feel good. This is one sided. I wanted to hook up with her. This is wanting sex and my desire. I had a goal with her in that I would get her alone and then push for sex. We started making out during the opening credits of the movie, thats a little hurried. We're watching a movie, that's an isolated situation ideal for escalation (not saying it's bad) but thats what it was for, not for building tension between us, at least the way I used it. Ultimately, all I wanted to do was get off and put another notch on my belt. I wanted sex, I didn't want her. She was just the means to the end.

I hit every line on the sexual obsession list. It comes down to, I think, just wanting to get off. This makes it very goal oriented and mechanical. I'm not going to shove her up against a tree and rail her with people 50 feet away from us if I just want to get off, that's something I'd do if I wanted us to be genuinely EXCITED!

So heres the sexual tension list
Sexual Tension
-wanting her
-both your desires
-the process

Lets break down the last solid relationship I had. On our date I took her hand because I wanted her, and I would spin her around and into me, as if I was going to kiss her, then look over her shoulder for our car. I was interested in creating a two sided chemistry, on my end I was enjoying toying with her and putting off the kiss until I was good and ready, and on her end it built the tension of wondering when I would actually do it. When it came to the night where we were going to have sex, it was the most mutual, natural thing. I knew before I got to her house that we were going to have sex, I wasn't worried about making it happen, so I enjoyed the process of having a few drinks, dancing with her, laughing a little, flirting and tossing her little self around, until I hit the point where I was ready. "If I took your hand and led you upstairs, would you follow?" She only thought for a moment before nodding vigorously. We did, she locked the door, and we started fooling around. Every time I tell this story, in my journal or to a friend, I use the words "I took my time with her, I wasn't in a hurry, I knew it was going to happen" I prolonged the foreplay and I enjoyed the process. When it came time to have sex, we were both totally ready, she got the condom, put it on me, and even started on top. That had never happened for me with a girl prior to her.

That's fucking sexual tension. "I'm gunna take my time with this one" in a deep gutteral sexy man-voice should be my internal dialogue with a girl I'm genuinely interested in.

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