Today is/was probably the best day possible for starting this blog off. My purpose here, primarily, is to keep track of my progress, and also get leverage on myself to continue making progress, in the field of pickup (as well as life). I'll no doubt post some great things and some ludicrous things on here, so I'll ask myself as well as my fanbase to keep in mind that everything I say on here is subject to change. I'm always learning more and seeing from new angles.
(FR lower down the page)
I've been re-reading the first half of
Awaken The Giant Within by Anthony Robbins, and I've finally gotten to the chapter on the Ten Day Mental Challenge (10 days of uninterrupted positivity. if you start to think negatively, you start the challenge over). I stopped reading at this same point about a year ago because I promised myself I would not continue reading until I had finished the challenge, and I never managed it. However, today was Day 1 of the challenge (and last night was a killer lead in, more later) and I kicked it off proper like.
Some friends and I got together and went boating/tubing/wakeboarding/swimming on the river. Amazing. On the way there I told them all about the challenge and challenged them to partake in it. It became a sort of serious running joke the entire day. Everybody tried their hardest to make everything immensely positive, no matter what. I spent most of the day laughing uncontrollably and just having an absurdly fun time with my friends.
The crazy thing is, about everything that could go wrong with the trip went wrong, but because of the immense amount of positive thinking, we didn't even realize until the trip was over. We got up at 6:30am so that we could get to the boat launch before the crowds, by 8 am we were there, the sky was overcast, the air was cold, and nobody was at the launch. We went tubing anyway. Around 9:30 or so we set up camp on a little island, the weather was still cold enough to wrap up in a sweatshirt and a towl, so instead of moping around we started going jumping jacks and playing like little kids. More boating, more water, finally the sun came out about 2pm and some more friends showed up. Now we had about 13 people for a boat that seats 6, so we had to share all the time in the water. No complaints anywhere. By the end, in taking the extra group of people back to the boatlaunch so that they could leave, the boat ran out of gas just as it got back to the island to pick up me and my group. We had to use the tiny reserve propellor to get back. What should have been a 5 minute ride turned into 45 minutes. But positivity ruled out again, we decided it was "a relaxing way to end such an awesome day." Unreal.
The power of positivity is absolutely amazing. I didn't even realize all of those things had gone awry until a friend brought it up, laughing about how much fun we had despite it all.
Now last night and the pickup portion...
FR: Positive State
I spent the first part of my day at work, conventiently this involved approaching strangers so it is good that I have a job that keeps my social skills sharp, or at least on the level. I felt myself slipping into state toward the end of the day, though I was ready to leave.
I called up one of my wings and we arranged to meet up downtown. We did a lot of walking for the first bit and not a lot of approaching, I realized I was expecting my wing to take the lead and do the first approaches. Ziff! Out with that idea. We went into a Karaoke bar and I opened a friendly looking group around the guy singing by asking how long the wait was, they were positive and receptive and that was all I wanted, to come in, be normal, and get out feeling good. I started singing along to the guy on stage, just pumping my own state, I absolutely love to sing, and some girl came up and gave me a look as she was going by, I grabbed her arm and told her to hold on.
At this point I had nothing to say to this girl, but I was still having an awesome time, so I just looked at her silently with some kind of, I guess to follow the theme, positive look on my face. I then shook my head and said I thought she was somebody else, prepared to eject. She started up on this whole philosophical view point on how you shouldn't waste time figuring out how you know a person because you miss out on the important things that are actually going on. I liked that. We exchanged names and talked a little more before she continued her trek to the bar.
A dude started singing Eminem on stage. I couldnt resist singing along. A total milf in front of me was singing and doing some sexy dancing and moved a little too close to me, so I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her in saying something to the effect of "you might as well come all the way in then." We danced and she loved me. She was definitely drunk but absolutely attracted, she told me she was with a group of doctors, I told her I'm a student and have no money. I was touching her like crazy, and I always do this when I'm in set, I touch everybody A LOT right off the bat. To me this is comfortable and dominant. I usually hook pretty hard. But I wonder if it isn't a little needy to be touching so much so soon. Seriously, I'm touching almost the whole time, like at the high point of everything I say. We keep talking a bit, it's clear shes into me, so I go for a makeout, but no dice. My wing suggests later that maybe she was married. I didn't check for a ring, but her friend did come in and try to steal her away.
I talked to a couple more girls in passing on my way out, my wing said he "wasn't feeling it" and wanted to go to a different place. He later said he doesn't think he likes night game anymore. Hmmm... We walk the streets for awhile, my wing doesn't approach. We find the next place to go, McFaddens, and head inside. I start to hit state right away, I'd been here once before and had a great night. I start talking to people. I talk to everybody. I'm of the opinion that talking to everybody is not only fun, but it puts you into a positive conversational mood and boosts your emotional state. I did A LOT of sets here, so I'll put down the ones I remember.
This bored looking girl sitting alone, I approached and said god knows what about her sitting there alone. She perks up having somebody to talk to, but it's clear this is going nowhere. I remembered when Zebra was talking about spewing out emotional babble at girls, and one line in particular. So I said to this girl, "fuck it, I'm going to put you in a fucking box." She loved it. Shortly though, her friends came over and I bailed, as it still was not going anywhere.
Another girl alone against a wall, small talk, nothing big. One of my former RA's, an absolutely sexy red head, saw me passing the dance floor and pulled me on, she didn't know I was 21 already. She may have a small crush on me. This would be rad.
I saw who I thought was the same sad girl who I said I'd put in a box sitting in the same chair, so I walked over and said "look, I already put you in your box, and you're STILL HERE ON THIS CHAIR!" She immediately perked up and started laughing and joking, I wasn't going to let it stale out as easily this time, so I said "look, I'm trying to hit on you here and you're just making it difficult sitting around like this" She starts with the telling me how cute my curls are, and asks me my name and tells me hers. Wait a second, I thought I met this girl already. Nope, different girl, but she responded amazingly to the stuff I said that was geared toward the former girl. 100% belief in what I was saying I suppose. Again I eject. I don't remember why. It wasnt right after she said that stuff, its just all kind of a haze now. I tried a dancefloor approach but it didnt go so well, the girls danced near me, one guy protected one of them, and the other turned halfway away. Whatever, onward!
My wing still had not opened a single set at this point. He kept talking about how none of these girls reach his standards and how he doesn't waste time opening sets that don't fit his very specific parameters "when I go out I might see 2-3 girls who meet my standards." Honestly? He also doesn't believe in social proof because "when your game is strong enough, none of that matters." I agree, but why make things harder by being the creepy guy in the club who stands against a post or wall, not smiling, not talking to anybody, not having a good time (because you "don't depend on state"), trying to swoop in and snipe out the one particular girl that meets your "standards." He finally found the girl he wanted, and waited for the perfect opportunity to approach. I see it and tell him to go, he says just a minute more. She walks off onto the dance floor. He gets pissed off. DUH. He sees her later, in a less perfect situation, and approaches direct. She turns completely away from him and says she has a boyfriend before he finishes his sentence. Goooooo figure. Waited all night for that one perfect approach and got blown out immediately. I try to communicate to him that being social is attractive, fun, and puts you into a powerful state. I also communicate that, in my opinion, a girl is only below your standards if, given a situation where she was dressed up in sexy lingerie sitting on your bed begging to be fucked by you, you would say no. If you wouldn't absolutely say no to that situation, she is AT LEAST approach worthy.
He is engaging in what I like to call "Trapward Rationalization." Trapward Rationalization is when you have so much pickup theory in your head, or an ego that blinds your good judgment, that you backward rationalize your afc/chode behavior as being very attractive/effective/money behavior. IE: Not approaching a gorgeous girl because shes not your type/looks like a skank/etc. The reason this is Trapward Rationalization is because you may not be conscious of your true reasons for engaging in said chodey behavior. Thus you have fallen into the trap of your own backward rationalization, and thanks to the flexibility of the english language, I have coined a new term.
Anyway, I continue to rock the house. I realized that I was in state, and as powerful as it was and as much fun as I was having, I was not getting the results I wanted. This is due to several things. One, I'm just winging shit. This works out alot of the time, but in the case of this one very attractive girl, was just not the right idea. I opened her with something about how her serious vibe was contaminating the area. She just turned and stared at me. I honestly was not bothered by this in the slightest so I just stared right back. We both started smiling and she said whats up. I said nothing. And then had nothing to say. I kept just staring at her expectantly. This was not working and may have been weird. She said a little more. I had nothing of value to say. She shit tests me on my age. I say something lame like "Sucks for you that I'm so young." She gave me ample opportunities to attract her and I didn't measure up.
I'm much more present in my interactions I've noticed. I slow down and take my time with my words and consider my responses. I saw this girl with massive tits, very cute, with a large hulking friend. I walk up to her and say "You...are phenomenally cute...who are you" She introduces herself and asks my name. I've been blown out before with this same direct opener because I just flew in and rattled it off like she should just jump my bones immediately. This girl, V, ends up going to get some shots, I said I'd be back. I saw her later (last set of the night, on my way out, literally at the door!) and walked in, "omg you're back!" "of course, I'm a man of my word!" We talk a bit and I tell her I'm leaving, and I want her number. She is reluctant for a second and I continue "listen, give me your number, I'll give you a call and if we get along on the phone,
maybe we'll hang out sometime. I promise nothing but conversation" She says she also promises that and asks me to give her my number, I say "no, girls don't call" and she said "nah uh! Here give it to me, I'll call your phone right now" So what was at first a very soft close starts to get a little harder. Her friend ejects to the bathroom, V stays. She calls my phone, I tell her my phone number. When I get out the area code she flips out "omg you're from washington!? Seattle area!?" I tell her my home town, she's from like 40 minutes away, I joke that my soccer team always beat her town's. She is so stoked that we are from the same area. The close gets a little harder, mirroring my dick as I look at that rack. Holy shit. I was very proud of myself for this one, I picked a girl I felt an instantaneous gut level attraction for, I walked up, and I #closed. Go me.
There was another girl that I had like 3 totally random interactoins with. She kept getting in my way and I'd make a huge joking deal about it. She came and said goodbye to me but I didnt really hear her. I put it together when I saw her walking out the door, I yelled at her to come back, she did, and I tried to grab her number, she said she has a BF, I said "I don't want to be your BF, i've known you for 17 seconds." She persists and we hug and she leaves. Oh well."
Talked with a friendly bachelorette set outside. Talked with an older asian woman, she seemed to enjoy it but she bailed. I tried to signal a pissed looking girl over to me by pointing at her and gesturing. She shook her head no. Normally this would shake me a little but I didn't care in the slightest. Noice. I walked up to this black girl that had given me crazy eye contact earlier in the night that I didnt capitalize on, she was giving me eyes again. "omg you're the one with the eye contact!" She replied, extremely offended "What are you even talking about! I saw you like one time, blah blah blah" she is almost freaking out because of one little comment that wasnt even meant to be taken badly, I tell her "no, I liked that, I think it shows a lot of confidence" she keeps freaking out, I say to her "listen, obviously I've hit the wrong buttons here, this was in no way my intention, I apologize, I didn't mean to offend you, pleasure to meet you, good night" And walk away. This shook my state a little bit, I don't like offending people, but I know it was more her than me in this case. She was pissed to begin with, I just got the brunt of it.
Some random girl thrust an open beer into my hands and walked off. I took the beer up to a friendly looking dude, told him where I got it, and gave it to him. Based on the look on his face, he thought I was a genuinely nice cool guy. You're welcome bro, I just prefer the taste of my gum.
There was probably more, but thats all thats coming to mind right now. I texted V while I was typing this, I texted and forgot, part of my new mindset, I'll write about that tomorrow maybe.
"Wow."
10-15 mins later, V:"Whats up"
"My day was one of the best ive had in recent memory. tell you about it tomorrow, i'm beat"
"sweet!"
All I wanted to do was get her to text back, so that she would be ready for me to give her a call. I'll call her tomorrow, and if she's cool on the phone, maybe I'll set up a meetup.
I'm out!
-Dasani
